A single moment....

There are several things about flying that I love......the rush as the plane goes from taxiing (that's really how you spell that word - I looked it up!) to full power for take off....the indirect lighting in the cabin when you're flying and it's dark outside....the speed at which you get from one place to another.....but mostly I love looking out the window.

When you're taking off, rising into the clouds makes me feel like I've entered a secret cavern where everything is hushed and clean and cool and perfectly safe.  It's a moment of possibilities - yes, plural possibilities in a singular moment.  What's above? What's below? What will appear in the mist?  During the day when the plane rose above the clouds, it felt like the sun jumped out at me!  At night, it was the stars.  'And the moon on the crest of the new fallen snow gives a luster.....'  That's really the image that came to mind when I saw the moonlight on the clouds.

Wow!  I so have to interrupt my own thought for a thought!  Recently, my counselor and I have been discussing the fact that the restlessness I'm experiencing currently is the result of great freedom giving way to more choices/ more possibilities than I've ever experienced.  A single 'moment' (realizing my worth and value) that gives way to so much choice that I'm restless from the opportunities!

Back to the window.....Of course landing is also full of surprises - especially at night!  Descending out of the clouds, in a moment, the lights of the city below 'magically' appear like the discovery of a hidden city.  It brought back to my mind the discovery of my Mayan king in my neighbor's backyard.  No matter what the city looks in the daylight, at night it's a sparkling treasure inviting discovery.

My most recent flight experience was just this past November.  John and I flew to Indiana to spend Parent's Weekend with Katie in her senior year...what the heck - better late than never!  We had the most 'individual' pilot I've ever experienced.  From his first enthusiastic announcement at the beginning of our flight to his final goodnight as we approached our landing in Houston, he entertained us - he sang a song of goodbye and debarkment before we landed!  And as he flew us into the airway of Houston, he circled the city, aggressively turning a tight circle dipping the left wing deeply.  It was exhilirating and so spontaneous!  I've never had a pilot have so much fun 'showing off'.

And not only did it NOT frighten most of the passengers (I couldn't see all of their faces), it brought spontaneous 'Ooohs' and 'Aaahs' and applause for his daring flight maneuver.  It actually gave me more confidence in his ability as a pilot and made me eager to fly again soon!

A singular moment....over WAY too soon!

Toilet Seat Cover Etiquette

'First pull up - then pull down'?  Geez! That's a lot of steps if you have to pee!  Oh, and despite the fact that they give you the instructions how to pull the toilet seat cover out of the holder, they DON'T tell you that after pulling it out, you still have to unfold it!!  This particular holder was in the waiting room bathroom of the hospital where John recently had surgery.

This was actually not the first toilet seat cover holder that caught my attention....and yes, I have a life! :)  I started 'noticing' them at my doctor's office.  There is no restroom in his actual office, it's in the building in which his office is located.  And the toilet seat cover holder is on the wall BEFORE you enter the stalls.  Outside the stalls so that anyone else in the bathroom can see if you take a cover with you into the stall.  Talk about pressure and anxiety.....If you don't take one, other women may judge you for it.  And then, if you notice someone not take one, do you want to use the stall they used??  

Because we travel so much, I've been in a LOT of bathrooms..some not so clean...and I taught Katie how to improvise a cover if there weren't any available.  Since I've begun to really pay attention to the seat covers, I now use two whenever possible or create my own.  (Probably more than anyone ever wanted to know about me!!! :p)

And I've made a discovery - there is a lot of variety in toilet seat cover holders and their placement in the bathrooms: beside, in front of, over the back, single, double, in half again folded - and Katie and I even discovered at a restaurant in IN ('Granite City'), a holder approximately 5 feet above the back of the toilet.  Honestly!  Not sure what that's about - I guess they really want to work for that cover!!

It's frustrating when the holder is empty....then you have to create your own.  You better not have to pee very badly in that case!!  I'm thinking I may need to get a supply of my own....just in case.  Who knows?  There are a lot of bathrooms out there still to be discovered!

The fun starts here!

(Disclaimer: The fun was actually in two places - IN and TN!)

Oh, if only I'd known, I could have been here sooner!!  And actually I've been in the area several times, I just didn't realize where specifically the fun was!  Where? You ask?  Coldstone Creamery in Fort Wayne, IN!  Get there soon - you have no idea what you're missing.



The rain today and what is expected tomorrow reminds me that it was just a week ago that I was in IN headed for MI, and it was raining....it rained through Michigan, through Ohio, through Kentucky and until I got to my hotel in Dickson, TN.  Wednesday morning was refreshingly cool and dry!  Soon after getting back on the road Wednesday morning, I passed through the town of Jackson, TN and saw signs for 'Christmasville Rd'.  No way!  A road called Christmasville!  I had to stop - it just so happened that I needed to stop - so I stopped!  

Now besides being a great hotel in Dickson, TN (Best Western), the guy at the desk (Jack) was great!  Really personable and fun - especially great after having crappy weather all day long.....He said, "Oh, so you brought the rain!  And here I thought it was because I washed my car yesterday."  I told him that the two places I had been in the past couple of days - IN and MI - both got snow....after I left, of course.  He told me that even though surrounding counties were predicting snow, we probably wouldn't get it there in Dickson because he had just bought his daughter a sled!  And he was right!  The town of Jackson not only had Christmasville Road they also had snow!  Jack had effectively created a no-snow bubble!


It's a funny story....about the snow.  I was almost to Jackson, TN when my aunt called to see how the trip was going.  As we chatted, I passed the first exit for Jackson and could see a hotel from the freeway.  What was that on the top?  Wow!  They put fake snow on that hotel...(I know what you're thinking.....but I thought the snow was all behind me and when my brain believes something it really believes it.....:p)  The next exit, a mile from this first one, had a couple of hotels - they had also put fake snow on the top!  That's amazing that those hotels would do that for the winter - probably to generate more business.  (I promise you, I'm not making up this thought process!)  Remember, that I'm still talking to my aunt on the phone.  All of a sudden, I realize that there's something on the ground.  Whaaat?  Wait?  Is that sn----Oooohhh!!  It's not fake snow on those hotels - that's real snow....and there was more and more of it!  Holy Crack!  I have to get out!  I have to stop somewhere!  It just so happened that there was a rest area right after the second exit.  Absolutely - I pulled in, got out of my car and got into the snow!!  Oh, yeah, my aunt -- she laughed and hung up so I could play a bit.


And to think.....I have brown hair!

Left Lane ends................in 5 miles!

I really didn't realize what was happening until I was in the midst of it and by then, the 'mob mentality' had intimidated me 'beyond the capacity for rational thought or action'!  (movie line anyone?)

On highway 70 just past Effingham, IL is a section of narrowed lanes with signs beginning 5 miles out.  Seriously!  5 miles before you get to the merge of the two lanes, there are multiple signs, "In 5 miles, left lane will end."  "Left lane ends."  Included were the picture signs, for those who couldn't be bothered with reading actual words, of the lanes narrowing from two to one.  "Left lane ends ahead."  "In 4 miles, left lane will end."  Etc., etc., etc!  There was even an electronic sign that indicated that at the place of the left lanes disappearance the speed would be only 27 miles an hour.  :p  Apparently, they were serious about trying to get people to merge before the last minute.

At the 4 mile mark, after seeing probably at least 10 previous signs, I realized that the traffic was already moving really slowly.  And I realized it was because everyone - and I mean EVERYONE - was already merged over into the right lane.  It was as if we were Borg drones connected to the hive mind and we were moving into synchronous driving mode.  At that moment a couple of rogue vehicles sped by the line of vehicles, wildly making for the empty lane.  I could see that a few other brave souls had pulled out way ahead....but I hesitated too long.  The courage to move out myself was easily quelled by the unspoken submission to the hive mind.

You know, that mob mentality is a powerful force.  It's that force that keeps people silent in an elevator or keeps people from choosing any line they want to at a fast-food restaurant or leaving a seat between yourself and anyone else anytime you're in a waiting room.


As we continued in this way through another mile, I glanced back at the line of vehicles every now and then and noticed that a couple of times vehicles looked as if they might attempt to break free - but each time the vehicles in front of them and in front of me (those who were the apparently self-proclaimed vehicle police - must have been the right-wing fundamentalists in those cars) also noticed them and ever so slightly slid over into the center of the two lanes in order to 'warn' them that any attempt to move on by in the still open left lane would be stopped.  Soon, several bigger cars and semis were 'righteously' riding in the center of the two lanes throughout the traffic just to keep those rogue drones in line.

At about the one mile sign, a free spirit, obviously not aware of the 'system', whipped by me - only to be stopped 5 vehicles ahead of me by a semi that pulled out right in front of him.  It stayed 3/4 in the left lane, effectively preventing this rogue from gaining any access to the freedom that was still available for about a half mile in the left lane.  (Isn't that just like people? We can't handle the 'freedom' for ourselves, and we're damn sure not going to let anyone else!)

I was incensed at the arrogant audacity of the semi!!  Who decided he was god of the traffic and should, therefore, be in charge of when people merged and when they didn't!!

 You know the ironic thing in all of this?  If everyone had just stayed in both lanes until the actual merge, and then had been unselfish enough to just 'give and go' at the merge, it would have made everything go so much faster!!


Oh, how stupid we are in our selfishness!!!

New stuff..and crushed ice:)

So, in a continuing effort to grow beyond the small confines of my upbringing, I have chosen to make three radical changes - just to see what happens;)  You might want to prepare yourself...I'm not sure the average person will be able to read most of this post!


Change #1: I have begun - I think through the inspiration of my DIL - to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle!!  No longer will I carefully fold up the tube as I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom up!  I will grab it wherever I please and just begin squeezing it out on my toothbrush!  In actuality, what is the 'bottom' of a toothpaste tube - it's not like it can stand up on it's own - the 'bottom' is a thin little edge!  (Thanks, Lynette, it's been a crazy adventure:)


Change #2: I think this is probably one of the most radical things I'm doing right now - and it is an issue that has sparked numerous debates - and I mean severe - debates in many families!  We had a conference in my family about this issue actually IN the bathroom while someone was taking a dump - seriously!  The issue?  Which way should the toilet paper roll??  Now, I was taught that the only efficient, cost effective direction was 'over the top'.  And I'm not really sure if there was any kind of research done to prove this - it was just the family way.....from as far back as I knew.  'Efficient and cost effective' - wow!  Who knew it could be so important to be sure the paper comes off the roll in the right direction!  Better not screw that up!


Well, I've decided to tempt the fates and put the toilet paper on so that it rolls off the bottom!  At this point (it's been about a week), there have been no cataclysmic events in the world because of my choice.  In addition, we've not had financial ruin nor taken inordinate additional amounts of time in which to relieve ourselves....hmmm?  Could it be?  Could it really be possible that there is NO right way for it to come off the roll??  Surely not!  Good God, man!  Free choice?  That would be chaos!!


Change #3:  I'm not sure this is so much a change as it is just a choice to not be bothered by my personal likes that may differ from others....you know, lots of times we invalidate people's choices by our forceful assertion 'it's ridiculous to do this (whatever we're asserting) any other way'.  I'm trying to be very careful these days to be much, much more tolerant!  Tolerance, by the way, is NOT a concept of Satan!  So, here's the change - I LOVE, LOVE crushed ice, but I never had growing up nor have I owned as an adult a refrigerator that has a crushed ice dispenser.  


**side note: actually my very favorite ice is the small, rabbit-poop-pellet ice that you get at Sonic:)


I had meticulous training as to the proper way to empty an ice tray so that there was never (or at least as little as possible) any broken pieces of ice - no small chips of ice.  You have to allow the trays to sit out for enough time to make them come out of the tray whole - but not too much or they would begin to melt and then there would be water in the ice cube container in the freezer, and that would cause them to refreeze together in a big mass!  And God forbid if you did that!  It was very important to have whole ice cubes.  In fact, it was communicated that you were absurd if you liked small chips of ice.  "Who would want that?"  Well, me, for one!  So, when I empty ice trays now, I make sure that I empty them right out of the freezer.  And as you know, unless you're one of those 'absurd' folks :) who doesn't like ice....I mean, 'Who would want that?"  :p  I, in fact, try to create as much small, chipped, crushed ice as possible.  And then every few days when it's had a chance to build up in the ice cube container in the freezer, I dump all of that delicious crushed ice into my glass.  Ahhh.......pure bliss!  In fact, I had some today.


I'm sure my life's going to be going to hell in a handbasket any day now.......

Seven of Nine

I am a huge STAR TREK fan - all of the series (and, of course, the movies).  I appreciate the specific focus of each one - and I have favorite characters in each one.  John and I are currently watching through STAR TREK: VOYAGER on Netflix.  And while he and I joke that Seven of Nine is one of John's favorite characters for obvious reasons.....I realized that she is one of mine also for a most specific reason.

In a lot of literature and movies, conflict is created because characters do not express their inner thoughts or questions.  If something happens to them in a private moment that needs attention from others, they usually don't seek out that help in the beginning for any number of reasons - of course, the author's/ scriptwriter's intention is to create conflict, and therefore, continued interest in the story.  Besides real life is full of conflict, so it only makes sense that literature and movies would be also.

Anyway - and no I am not digressing nor have I wandered off topic - in episode 26 of season 6 and episode 1 of season 7 (two-part) 'Unimatrix Zero', I had a revelation about Seven of Nine.  She usually asks for help anytime she comes up against a problem.  This episode begins with her having a disturbing dream or so she and the doctor believe.  However, you learn later that she's actually being contacted by a drone from a borg ship....The point is that as soon as she emerges out of her regeneration cycle in which she has the disturbing encounter, she goes right to the doctor to get help, and then when the images continue in her next regeneration cycle, she takes it to Captain Janeway.

And I realized as I watched the episodes that I feel a sense of relief with her character.  It's been an almost imperceptible realization over the last several episodes.  As the episode progressed tonight, I questioned myself as to the source of the relief......and realized that it's because she almost always gets help - she reaches out in her distress.  She does not keep it to herself creating misunderstanding or angst or more problems.....I know she's going to be okay because she doesn't have to/ try to tackle a problem on her own.

And I think that quite a bit of the VOYAGER series/ characters are like that. Does that make it boring??? By no means!  Because they're is still much struggle/ much conflict in the series.  It's just created more by the crew as a whole facing an outside opponent united together as opposed to individuals fighting all alone because they're too filled with pride or frightened or embarrassed to share their struggle with the others.

Not sure what that means: I don't like conflict?  I don't like situations where I know a problem/ situation could be easily solved if the character would just tell someone?  I want everything to be okay?.....I have a crush on Chakotay?  Well, that goes without saying!

Me, myself and I....contemplating the Little Girl inside there!

(fyi - and 'for your information' - I'm using the font 'Georgia', made me remember the old sitcom 'Designing Women'....what a great show with such specific stereotyped characters played by excellent actresses!)


So, this blog is going to be a rambling collection of my thoughts on a subject recently discussed with my therapist - makes me sound so 'Evening Soap Operaish' to say I have a therapist! :)  Rambling....well, duh...because that's the name of my blog (and so I have poetic license to ramble whenever the hell I want!) and because my thoughts aren't really crystallized on this idea....hopefully blogging will help that.  And because I haven't blogged in FOREVER (it feels like), I need to get some thoughts down.  


A familiar topic throughout my therapy has been that I have taken the key back to my own life....finally!  It's only taken me 49 years - better late than never.  I control the rest of my life - no one else has permission to tell me what I can or cannot do with my life/ what I will or will not believe.  I get to decide - it's really amazing!  *Side note - despite that freedom, there are still things currently in my life that I'm doing out of obligation...gotta work on those!  Okay, nobody's perfect!


The cool thing is that because I'm now in control, the little girl in me can begin to feel safe.  Anytime the 'voice' of that inner little girl comes up - mostly when I'm afraid or feeling like something/one is controlling me - I can reassure her that I'm holding the key now.  She's safe...she's in a protected place now.  As she begins to believe that, then she'll talk to me - tell me the things that are still hidden from me.


Sounds kind of 'other worldish', I know....but kind of like the story line of the movie 'The Kid' too.  (*additional Side note - Spencer Breslin was wonderful in that movie!)  The little girl inside me will share the things about me that I don't know when she feels safe enough, knowing that what she says will be taken seriously and believed.  You know, if people don't believe you one of two things generally happens: either you get more and more neurotic in defending yourself or you stop telling anyone anything!  Including yourself!!!  I mean, what's the point....if no one is going to listen or believe you.


She will feel safe.....she will be able to sit and play....or rest and visit....or dance and sing and paint - instead of feeling the need to be always alert, always on guard, always second guessing her choices....


More on this later........this 'big girl' is actually a little tired!!

Good or Better?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJaZO2nfGg

(Elphaba) I'm limited

Just look at me - I'm limited

And just look at you

You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda

So now it's up to you

For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda) I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

(Glinda) Because I knew you

(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the thing I've done you blame me for

(Glinda) But then, I guess we know

There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both) Who can say if I've been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

(Glinda) And because I knew you...

(Elphaba) Because I knew you...

(Both) Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs....not surprising, really.  The message is simple and yet profound and it comes from one of my favorite musicals, WICKED.

Just as random things happen every day all around us, so we meet people every where we go who change us just because they enter our lives.  And whether or not we're changed into a better person by that meeting isn't the point.  The point is that, irrevocably, we're changed forever.  However, just as the ladies sing together, 'I do believe I have been changed for the better', I believe that almost without exception, I have been changed for the better by those who have entered my life.  'Better' perhaps because they've encouraged me to rise above where I was and strive to be more.....or 'better' because I've seen their negative example and determined to not be what I've seen...

My doctor is one of those 'better because they've encouraged me' people...He is one of the few people who have earned the right to say just about anything to me, and I will listen.  Do I always do what he says?  By no means.  However, I will listen and consider his opinion.  So, it was with considered amazement that at my appointment yesterday, he said to me:  'You're going to have to be willing to be vigilant in this current journey.  You will doubt yourself and your choices.  But they are good.  Trust them.'

How did he know?  How did he know that that very morning I had wondered, 'How long will my current journey last?  Will this one area be like this forever?  Am I just being petty?  Is it not time to move on?'  Well, that certainly wasn't true in Moses' life....he was in the desert herding sheep for 40 years.  He had been in Egypt in a position of great significance and influence - where he should have stayed (many would say).  Well, he went to the desert for 40 years - to cool down, to learn and to gain perspective.

And so I will not rush my journey.  I will listen to my doctor and my friend who has changed my life not only 'for good but for the better'.  I've gained clear perspective - perspective that has changed my life and given me freedom I never knew.  Perspective too easily lost when I 'entertain' manipulative, guilt-attempting voices from my past.  And I will not give up the truth I've learned!

The truth?  That everyday, every moment, every person that we meet/interact with/or are influenced by changes (or 'rewrites') our life forever.....and if we're paying attention, it's usually for the better!

Travel Rambles (4th in a series:)

More random pictures and the comments they generate.....


Some reasons why I miss Minnesota:

Awesome people at the cheese factory!  Bonus - the mints were more sugar than mint - my favorite kind.  And lots of folks actually say this phrase...it's very positive and encouraging!

One of the 'safest' places to come back from a walk to....my aunt and uncle's home!  No pressure to be someone you're not, to act a certain way or do only 'approved' things.  Just lots of acceptance and love and crazy fun!  (Thanks Jan and Bob!) Oh, and it's also the location of the frozen basement where I spent a glorious week in late March....I'm pretty sure I was the cause of their final snow storm for the year!  
















Pretty pink toes after only my second ever pedicure which I had to go to Minnesota to get!  (I've gotten one at home now too!)  So awesome to be warming them by the bonfire in the back yard in September considering that today in Pasadena it was 84 freaking degrees on October 23rd!!!

First (!) ever visit to a winery....unfortunately 'what happens at the winery stays at the winery' is only true if I don't blog about it! :)  So much fun!  20 wines for $7....and a groovy t-shirt too!  Of course my favorite wine, their 125 Winter Celebration anniversary dessert wine was the most expensive on the menu: $45/ bottle!  Really delicious though!

Got to take a nap OUTSIDE on the recliner lawn chair - I even had to use a blanket because the breeze was chilly!  Haven't been able to do that at home yet.  Of course, part of that could be because I don't have a recliner lawn chair here at home.....:p








More awesome photos to follow......I took gobs of them on my trip!  I should eventually post them on fb too - before I forget why I took them!

The Good Guy of Good Eats!

I discovered his visit quite by 'facebook accident'!  Just doing my regular checking of facebook last night - and WahLah!  I find out Alton Brown is going to be at the Town & Country Barnes & Noble Thursday night!  I HAVE to go!


Hero worship - it's an interesting phenomenon.  Our heroes are just people, just like us.  They eat, they sleep, they breathe.....they do 'other' things......just like us.  And yet, there's something they've done that inspires us...something that sets them a little above the 'norm'.   That is why we admire them - or if you will - 'worship' them.


Alton Brown is more than just an ordinary chef - he's a teacher/ actor/ scientist chef!  He doesn't just demonstrate how to make one dish or a theme of dishes or several courses of a dinner.  He teaches the science behind the dish or the theme or the courses.  He teaches the how and the why, in a most creative, theatrical way putting his theater degree to good use along with his culinary prowess!  He's the theater character of the cooking world!


3 hours of wandering this BN location, visiting with other AB devotees, and I finally got to stand in the line to wait my turn at getting his autograph.  And a new set of AB devotees to meet and greet and.....delete :)....the wait time!  I attempted a quick musical composition, but found the anticipation too great for melodic focus.  So, I instead focused on my 'schpeal'.  Finally!  It was my turn next....I could feel my blood pressure rising and a familiar light-headedness due to overwhelming anticipation - I had prepared my speech.  I wanted to be sure that it would be memorable not only for me but for Alton.  I told one of the booksellers I thought I might hyper-ventilate.  She said they hadn't had anyone pass out yet.....hmmm......that would definitely make my visit memorable!  More light-headedness, shallow breathing, sense of hysterical wonder that I was really there...really going to meet AB!


I asked the bookseller running the front of the line to hold my books...I wanted to do a fun greeting to AB.  (nothing crazy, I promised....) and a bit of hysterical wonder sneaked out through my face.  AB turned to greet me, I dropped into the Mary Catherine Gallagher 'Superstar' pose, and hysterical wonder erupted!  (Meaning - if you don't know me personally - that I laughed!)  He stepped back a little, smiling, laughing....sort of and told me when I stepped up to the signing table (it was a tall one, he was standing the whole time), that I had frightened he and his assistant.


"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." (me, sheepishly)
"Well, I was worried that you wouldn't be able to get back up out of that pose." (AB, grinning sarcastically)
"Wow!  Why would you say that?  I turned 50 this year!"  (me, sarcastically returned)
"50?  You don't look it!"  (nice recovery AB)
"I'm hoping you'll remember me more than anyone else tonight!" (but not creepily...)
(with a grin at his assistant) "I think we already do!"


Qapla!  (Do you really not know the Klingon word for 'Success'?)  Even if I'm the 'crazy lady from Houston' - he'll still remember me!!  :)  

Travel Rambles (3rd in a series:)

I know I've said the following on facebook at some point, just wanted to say it here too:  "After several years of insomnia, it's incredibly irritating to actually be tired in the evening sometimes!"  I mean, is this what people do?  Get tired and just go to bed??  I'll never get anything accomplished if I go to bed before 2am!!  Peak efficiency hours for me have been 11pm - 2am.....what will I do if this 'tired trend' keeps up??


A few more 'rambles' from my September trip....


Despite the fact that she herself is not a radical, right-wing, hater fundamentalist, my aunt's car definitely has very legalistic seatbelts.  You have approximately 5 seconds after placing your ass in the passenger seat before you hear the loudest, most obnoxious 'dinging'!  You don't even get the chance to adjust in the seat before it begins!  And it continues unrelentingly until you click the seatbelt.  And actually, I tested this theory.....you don't have to completely connect the seatbelt - you only have to get the two parts close together.  What is that?  It only cares if you get it almost connected?  But doesn't care if you completely close it.  Of course, you'd have to hold the two parts close together for your entire car ride....otherwise, if you separate them again, it dings at you!  I'd like to point out, that if you were only holding them closely together, you'd probably be in even more danger than if you went 'beltless'!  So, in reality, those seatbelts actually put you in more danger........just sayin'...


I made HUGE personal discoveries on my trip too!  (Besides the seatbelts emphasizing my issues with authority:)  For example, my gps (hereafter referred to by her name, 'Soki') gives me incredible confidence.  It didn't matter where I was on my trip, where I wanted to be or what I was looking for - I could tell Soki what I needed, and she took me there.  I was driving around Ottumwa, IA looking for a city sign to take a picture of (since I missed the one coming into town) and realized that I could request a location in Ottumwa (i.e., city hall), and she would take me right there.....and in the shortest distance too!  And THEN, she would get me out of the city and back to the freeway.  I'm never lost with Soki!  Wow!  How profound is that.....even if I miss a turn or exit or decide to pick a different road than she recommends, she'll 'recalculate' and continue to give me direction!  Now, that's unconditional love!!!!

It's interesting to note that one of the biggest discoveries I made was my realization that gambling holds no appeal for me...after years and years and years of authority figures telling me that I'd go to hell for gambling, that I'd become a terrible person, that God would get me for wasting my money if I ever went to a casino, all I had to do was walk into one and realize that even though there were lots and lots of pretty colored stimuli, I had no desire to spend my money there.  Do you know that if you lose - and you do quite a bit of the time - there's no prize?!!?  There's no present, if you don't win the game...no consolation prize even!  Why would I do it?  I LOVE presents way too much to give my money to someone/ something that's not going to give me something in return most of the time.  Imagine that!!  If all those authorities had just given me credit for being able to figure it out on my own?


You know, in recent discussions with John, we've come to realize that that's the real issue with fundamentalist, over bearing, religious authorities - they don't think that the Holy Spirit (if you believe in the Trinity) is able to do his job alone, and so therefore, they have to be the police and keep me from screwing up.  Despite the fact, that for the most part, I have to learn it myself in order for it to stick....whatever 'it' is.

The Indianapolis airport central terminal ceiling art: my initial thought was that they were some kind of pod for the birthing of a new species.  Well, that's ridiculous!  A new species would choose Indianapolis to usher in their young??  Then I figured they were some kind of snow sled..with lots of hand holes around the edges?  But who would give up their sled in such prime sledding country.  I finally concluded that they were some sort art-deco urinals....opaque turquoise in color.  Not sure if that's a statement on Indianapolis or a suggestion that in the terminals of life, we all have a common urge!


I got to spend some amazing one-on-one time with my paternal Grandmother and one cousin while I was in Iowa.  Grandma was so healing for my heart....she loves me so much and demonstrates it so freely!  On the bulletin right by her back door, I saw this little quip:


"I am not here.  I am lost and went to look for myself.  If I should return before I get back, please ask me to sit and wait for myself."  Clever, eh!  I have given myself permission to sit and wait....:)

This trip was a great deal about becoming comfortable in my own skin...with who I am becoming.....with my own groovy choices!  However, I happened upon a groovy bathroom at a Starbucks (I 'think' in Rochester, MN) and just had to share:

The mirror as a whole was really cool, and upon further inspection, I realized that the light fixture looked like a friendlier version of the alien head from the movie 'ALIENS'.  Not that it would be possible for those aliens to look friendly...they are possibly the scariest aliens ever!  And yet, it's most interesting to note that I LOVE the ALIEN franchise - and can watch those movies any time of the day or night.  Those who know


me well, know that any movie involving creepy, incredibly hard to kill creatures who chase people everywhere and show up around every single corner, would be almost -- no, not almost -- would be totally impossible for me to watch!!  I think there's more of science fiction in these stories....It sounds good, right?

Grandma is an expert Scrabble player and has beaten me for most of my life.  In fact, in 1991 (picture above), I added a rule to the box lid where the Scrabble rules are written:  'Grandmothers may only help one time."  I must have lost to someone that Grandma was coaching.  However, this visit it was finally my turn to win - and I didn't show her any mercy and was obnoxiously 'ungracious' in my winning! :)  Even with trays of letters like those above!  I added the 'T', 'R', 'A' and 'E' to a letter already on the board (can't remember what letter) and scored like 50 or 60 points on one word.




One final 'ramble' in this post:  Why are these marshmallows not sold in Texas??  They're called 'Giant Roasters: Campfire Marshmallows'...where are they sold??  Minnesota!  However, during my stay, I did perfect the art of perfectly roasting them to gooey, yummy goodness - without burning any part!!  More personal discovery! :D

Stuff Fundies Like....but not any sane, normal person!

('Fundies' - nickname for extreme, right-wing fundamentalists)

This man is wrong on so many levels, I just have to start at the beginning of his arrogant idiocy and share my outrage!  I've included several of his most dangerous quotes...and, btw, this may be an older sermon but it's still on the website for his church and school.  Believe it or not, I used to go to churches where the pastor preached like this.  I was taught to think that this kind of 'shit' was actually found in the Bible!  I never realized these kind of 'preachers' were such damn perverts!

http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2011/09/ladies-dress-code/

*I think that you oughta’ dress the same way now that you’re gonna do in heaven.  (And that would be how?)

*Maybe God will write a book about the dresscode in heaven?

*Don’t dress  to point out any particular area of your body.  If you wear an anklet bracelet, people are going to look at your legs all the time..and I’ve seen some of your legs – some of you are better off without the bracelet.  (So, he's arrogant and incredibly rude - you'll see this lovely trait later in this message!)

*That’s why the slits in your skirts so men can play ‘peek-a-boo' draws attention.  It’s what I call an agitator.  We love the slits, keep ‘em coming girls. I can tell you how I compare the slit….now this is just me not the Lord.  (Like that matters!) I compare the slit to a man that’s walking around with his pants unzipped.  It looks like a part of the garment is not fastened.  Just remember that.  (Really?)

*You ought to be embarrassed to entice instead of excited to entice.  You ought to blush in the sight of a man.  That’s why we have women who wear so much make up – they can’t blush naturally anymore so they paint it on trying to make it look good.  (I love this assholes assumptions!)

*Sobriety – being able to control yourself, not letting the whores and fags in Hollywood, not the trends or styles control you.

*Would you like for me to have a pure heart?  I guess, you’re going to have to help me.  (I love that as a woman I'm responsible for his pure heart!)

*I don’t think a man ought to look at a woman to lust after her.  I think it’s wicked and wrong. Women have been made into merchandise in this world and I’m very, very sorry for you.  But because of that, why don’t you help some people not to sleep with you in their brain!  Why don’t you decide to keep someone from committing adultery with you in their heart?  (Oh, really, that's my responsibility??)

*I’m here speaking as a man trying to tell you how it is with men.  You don’t want to be treated like merchandise, just be sure you don’t put things in the display window.  In other words, gals, get rid of the mini-skirts!  Somebody’s going to sleep with you!  Get rid of the pants! Get rid of the tight fitting pants!  Get rid of all the pants!  Get rid of your shorts!  Get rid of some of those form-fitting dresses! (This part is so ridiculous, I can't even form words!)

(This one sort of came right out of the blue....)

*When you wear hose with a design in them, men suddenly becomes a design engineer.  You wear shirts and tops that have words printed across the bustline – most men immediately think, 'I wish that was in brail'.  (Do you, men?  do you immediately think that every time?)

*Tight sweaters, the sleeveless tops, the more flesh the better for the man, 'Let me see, come on.'

*And then when you choose not to wear ALL your garments, that’s as wicked as the devil.  (So, would that be bra-less or panty-less?  Which makes a woman more wicked?)

*I think a man that rapes a woman ought to be shot at sundown, and then shot again the next day and then on national television, but I’m gonna tell you something ladies, you oughtta dress in such a way that he’s not looking at you and saying, 'That could be a good target, looks like she wants it anyway.'  (Yep! Unbelievable as it seems - he actually said that!)

*Take the sign out of the front yard!  Your tight clothes.  All the clinging materials, the halter tops, the tube tops, the low necklines.  Like I said, men say, 'Bring it on, we want it!' 

*You know, I inspect my wife’s clothes.  She wears nothing that I don’t approve of.  You say, tyrant, call it what you will but she doesn’t feel that way.  I’ve heard my wife say, honey I don’t want to wear anything that would ever embarrass you, ever!

*You won't let your husband do that.  And you’re probably the short-haired, you’re probably the loud-mouth.  Then there’s those hypocrites in here that wear their dresses down to here – like the mudflaps on a truck.  You’re busy looking clean on the outside but reading those Harlequin romances that’s got you filthy and dressing like a whore on the inside.  (I bet this guy has porn hidden in his office at his church!)

*And you charismatic cuties that dress like Tammy Faye Baker…. (Just a random slam thrown in for good measure, I guess!)

*I don’t like gauchos, and my wife will never wear them.  Why, you ask? Because I have a personal opinion about them.  Why do you say that, you ask?  Because of the way you sit when you’ve got them on.  Of the way you act when you’ve got them on.  The minute ladies get those on they begin acting like a man, running like a man, walking like a man, sitting like a man, thinking like a man.  (Because when was the last time a man wore gauchos?)

*And you ought to be careful about the way you dress up your little girls.  You dress your little girl up to be a whore.  

She’s supposed to cover up her thighs too. (And this is how little girls get molested and raped....by disgusting, vile cowards like him who use religion and God to cover up their lust!)

(And as if everything else he had already said weren't enough, here's a random blanket statement to cover anything he missed.....)

*I’ve got to throw this in here.  There’s some things that are sinful and then some things that are exceedingly sinful…..fat ladies don’t wear spandex!  Prov. 7:10 describes the ‘attire of a harlot’  If you’re not one, don’t dress like one.

Travel Rambles (2nd in a series)

My subtitle for this entry comes from my cousin, Dawn: 
"Brenda's Delicious Mistake'


How fortuitous that a mistake can turn out to be wonderful or creative or....delicious!  It was my cousin who pointed out this fact.  On my second trip to Iowa recently, my cousin and I had the opportunity to spend some 'just us' time with Grandma.  We talked and played games (I rediscovered Yahtzee) and baked and cleaned and cooked for her - it was wonderful!  Dawn was a mad cleaning machine - cleaning anything and everything in sight....and a few things that I would have totally overlooked!


I was Betty Crocker and Julia Child all rolled up into one!  Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite as wonderful as them....but I sure had a great time baking for Grandma.  I made some raisin bars which because of the light, thin quality of the final batter (I followed the recipe exactly) ended up being more cake-like.  Then, I made Grandma my pumpkin bread - the coolest part?  I made a mini loaf of it in one of the 'original' mini loafs pans that Grandma used to let us grandkids use - we got to bake when she baked!  It was awesome....

The final thing I baked for Grandma that day was 'supposed' to be Oatmeal Toll House Cookies.  'Supposed to be but not' because as I was attempting to follow the recipe in Grandma's book, my eyes 'drifted' to the recipe right above it.....I realized this about halfway through the process.  Great!  Well, I didn't want to waste the ingredients, so I decided to muddle through and see what happened....


And to all of our surprises - they turned out really......delicious!  Despite possibly being my great break into the money making world the likes of Mrs. Fields, I am going to share my brilliant 'mistake' instead of keeping it a secret.  So, here's the recipe Grandma asked me to bake:


Oatmeal Toll House Cookies
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups chocolate chips
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup hot water
1 tsp soda
2 cups oatmeal/nuts
1 1/2 cups flour
Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes


And the recipe above that my eyes drifted onto:


Oatmeal Drop Cookies
1 cup butter
2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
1 cup oatmeal
1 cup raisins  (Grandma loves recipes with raisins - not sure why)
3 cups flour
1/2 tsp soda
2 tsp baking powder
Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.


And my own delicious version of them both:)


'Oatmeal Drop Toll House Cookies'
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
2 cups oatmeal (had to add a little more to compensate for the I put in instead of hot water)
4 cups flour
1/2 tsp soda
2 tsp baking powder
Cream together the butter and sugars, then just add all the rest!  Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes.


You should make them!  They're a most delicious way to 'screw up'!!

Travel Rambles (1st in a series:)

So, in order to record some of my thoughts and experiences during my recent month long trip, I'm going to have to post them in a series of blogs.  A single blog would be so long - almost as long as the trip itself - which, btw, was 5000 miles! (including my recent trip to Baylor Parent's weekend - John went on that one with me.)


Let me begin this series by telling you 'where' I was for the month.  I started in Indiana and spent a week with my daughter moving her into the apartment she's sharing with 3 friends for her senior year of college.  It was an awesome week spent with amazing college women!  (John had to fly back a few days earlier than that for work.  But look how cute he and Katie are!)


Then I moved on to Urbana, IL where I spent the weekend with a friend who recently moved back home after working at the A. D. Players for several years.  She has the most wonderful parents, and they welcomed me into their home.  Deb is one of the most beautiful women, generous, fun women I've had the privilege to know!


I spent my birthday in Chicago having lunch with an old high school friend.  These past few months have seen me reacquainting with several old high school friends - it's been very surreal but really freeing and exciting.  The lakefront in Chicago was beautiful, and I played in the water for a bit!

Next, I traveled across Wisconsin and on to Minnesota for a week with my aunt and her family.  In the process, I got to see several groovy cousins and their kids and my grandpa who has sadly had to move to a senior car facility.  But it's a great place with really wonderful care givers.  And he has a great view of the courtyard from his window.  (However, I wouldn't value his dignity of life if I didn't point out what he said to me and his daughter in frustration....'How would you feel being cooped up in this small space.')  True, how would I feel....





Michelle and I are the oldest granddaughters and the oldest kids of the oldest daughters (twins) of my grandpa!  (Did you get all that?!)  She's older - ha!! - by almost 5 months!

Okay, Lar, had to post this epic picture of you in 'my' glasses.....but they will be yours one day!!  I'm so keeping them for the 17 years until you're 50. :p  The Twin City cousins gave me a fantastically, groovy 50th birthday party!!!










From there it was down to Iowa for what was to be 4 days with my grandmother - it was only 2.  During those two days, though, I did get to see to spend a great afternoon sitting out front on my grandma's lawn with a cousin I haven't gotten to see in a long time.

Our visit was interrupted by the sad, sudden death of my son's father-in-law.  I wrote a blog about the extraordinary graveside service for Sam - so profound and yet so simple.....I spent a week there helping out and holding hands.  It was the least I could do for Josh and Lynette.  An added benefit was that I got to spend another week with my awesome daughter!!  And her roommates!

(Okay, so I don't have a picture with Sarah, the one roommate I don't know very well...sorry, Sarah!)  Oh, and in addition to leaving suddenly from my grandmothers, I had a 'small' accident that had to be fixed while I was in Indiana.....just a few cracks and all the rubber protector under the car ripped out!

The car was fixed on Friday, one week after leaving my grandmother's house.  I got the car  back, Katie taught me how to change the oil, and I left at midnight to return to my grandmother's house to finish our visit!  (A special treat was to see my Grandpa one more time with my favorite aunt!)  And was I ever glad that I did!  Not only did Grandma and I get more time together (and I so value that!) but I got to spend time with other family that just 'happened' to be at Grandma's that weekend.  And then one cousin and I got to spend an extra day and a half just by ourselves baking and cleaning for her.  How special to be able to do some things for my grandmother after all the years of her love and care!!!!


But the trip doesn't end there!!!  I know, you're exhausted right?!!!  Once I left Grandma's, I was headed home but not without stops on the way.  I got a chance to see a couple of other old friends from high school...and to visit my first casino!  Gus and Ernie (and his wife and mom) treated me to a great night, and what was only going to be 3 or 4 hours turned out to be 6!  How do you catch up on 32 years in one night?!!

I made it home at midnight the next night after picking up John in Little Rock instead of Houston - took us a minute to realize that I'd be driving right through Little Rock - should I wave as I drove through town?  Duh!  I should pick him up there instead of driving all the way to Houston by myself and picking him up there....


What can I say?  It was a LONG trip! :D