My boys.....

So, this will be short - seriously!  I can write a short one!!!  I haven't blogged in a few days and have much to write about, but I'm actually tired so I'm going to bed.  Just wanted to write something to keep the 'train of thought' juices flowing.


Because I'm trying to be a good patient and wear my sling as much as possible, Peter was my chauffeur today for several errands.  I agreed to buy him lunch for his graciousness!  He, of course, chose Taco Bell.  I think hell would have to freeze over for him to chose something other than that! (love you, Peter!)  The clever saying on this package of taco sauce sums up perfectly not only Peter but his brother Josh.


You see, I believe that if there were a great banquet table set with a sumptuous spread for all the Jedi from around the galaxy with foods from all of those galaxies, Josh and Peter would choose whatever food closest resembled a taco...and hopefully there would be enough for the two of them.  Because if not - it could end up being the greatest galactic battle ever recorded in the Republic of the Universe:)  I mean brotherhood only goes so far when you're talking about tacos!  Right, boys??


They're both, btw, incredibly awesome as well as their sister Katie and daughter-in-law, Lynette!  We, in fact, had fajitas (a fancy taco for those of you who've never had the pleasure of having some) for Josh and Lynette's rehearsal dinner.  Everyone loved it!  And I made a 'sort of' replica of the Hoth Rebel Base out of Rice Krispie treats - clever, I know, so clever!!!


And that's it - that's right!  That's the end of my story and this blog!  Suck it!!

"Run, Jump, Vault...."

Okay, so look at this picture.....come on - 'really' look at it.  I'll wait.  What do you see? --other than a map of the state of Indiana, of course?  Keep looking...nothing?  Are you sure?


Oh, all right, I'll tell you!  :)  It's Frankenstein's profile!  But the 'Herman Munster' version - not that other one, you know, the scary one.  Now, do you see him?  It's sketchy, I know, but he's there - definitely!  The top is square just like the top of his head, and the lines running through are the stitch marks with green cross-stitches where the various pieces of his face are sewn together, and then of, course, the bottom is the rough outline of the top lip of his mouth.  He's apparently lost the bottom half of his jaw - maybe in the bushes below.  And you know he's the friendly version because of his beautiful marble composition and the sunshine and clouds in his reflection.

If you don't remember or never 'knew' Herman Munster, here's a picture of Fred Gwynne who played him on the old tv sitcom, The Munsters.  He did such a fantastic job as that character - so physically committed to everything about Herman Munster.  I loved that old tv show - I think because they were 'safe' monsters..............


I've always had an over-the-top imagination which - for the most part - is amazing!  However, within that is the inability sometimes to 'get away' from scary images.  And I've always (really, for as long as I can remember) feared the existence of monsters.  It matters not that monsters don't exist - at least not the kind from the movies.  (there are lots of real, human monsters who take advantage and hurt everyday)  All that matters is that they could....if all the conditions were right......exist.  Okay, so I understand the monumental amount of 'conditions' that would have to be in alignment in order for it to happen - but my imagination doesn't care about your scientific fact.  It only knows that if you don't cover up your feet when you're sleeping or you drape your hand down the side of the bed - 'something' WILL get you!!


It's interesting to note that as of late (within the last few months), I've discovered that as I 'take back my the key to my box' I am quite brave - or at least that the monsters aren't so real.  I have, in fact, quite bravely slept with my foot out from under the covers!!  I have also reached for something on the floor right beside my bed!!  And I no longer have to do the 'run, jump, vault' in order to get into bed!!  :}  I'm such a big girl.


Do I still have scary dreams?  Yes.  Do I wake up too frightened to get out of bed?  Occasionally.  However, gone are the days when I was afraid to walk around my own house after dark. And gone are the days when I HAD to have blinds, curtains, some kind of covering over windows.  And TOTALLY gone are the days when I couldn't walk outside my house into my back yard after dark!  I sometimes sit outside at 2 or 3 am and have a drink - it's fabulously freeing.  It is the coolest part of the day too for you non-Texas residents.  (Oh, and the back yard is, of course, where the great cigarette experiment took place.  More about that one later.)


Hmmmm, there must be something to this 'take back the key to your own box' advice from my psycho-therapist!  Just saw this......'in my mind' - my 'key' is very shiny silver with delicate floral scrawlings - almost like a fleur-de-li but in more abundance.  (I shall have to draw it in the near future and post the picture.....:)

It is, after all, called Recaps and "Ramblings".....

Talk about awesome mermaids - 'Pirates of the Carribbean 4: On Stranger Tides' - really amazing.  I'm a bit saddened to realize that I grew up wanting to be a mermaid (I LOVE being under the water) and never knew that most of the mythology about them paints them as violent, evil creatures drawing men to their deaths or seeking only their own well-being.  i.e. Pirates, Harry Potter.  Well, I still wish I could be a mermaid - I would just have to be a more anti-archetype - an admirable one (not a nice one necessarily).  Mysterious, beautiful, strong, confident, lyrical.  And I do love the feeling of being surrounded by water: it's comforting, it's quieting, it's cooling, it's freeing.  To swim - under the water a long time - is one of the most freeing things in life......Come to think of it, I know of a couple of guys who could benefit from being dragged under the depths to their deaths.....

In the past few years, since I've been dealing with severe insomnia, I've come into contact with varying levels of arrogant 'concerned individuals' (especially in the medical fields) who believe that they have the answer to my 'issue' without knowing anything about my history or the things that I've already tried.  My most recent venture was with holographic chips that are placed on your temple and are supposed to line up your energies and make you sleep - kind of like acupuncture.  What they are actually are very, very thin, clear pieces of plastic that are sticky on one side and have an opaque design on them.  The fact that one of them fell off during the night should tell you just exactly how effective they were!!  My chiropractor (a really good chiropractor who's helping with the torn tendons in my shoulder) was the latest in a string of medical officials that have seen me for unrelated (as in non-sleep) issues but after hearing of my insomnia just KNEW they had the answer!  It took him about 3 nights with the chips to be sleeping well.....

And see, what none of these 'well meaning' people realize is that their comments that their cure would SURELY work just add more fuel to the psychological side of the insomnia.  Duh?

Cooling off one morning after exercise, I was enjoying some music and just letting my brain 'download'.  It's a most helpful exercise - I just don't give myself time to do it most of the time.  At some point in this process, I realized something profound.  I give people 'outs'.  'Outs'?  You say??  What are 'outs'?  When I'm talking to people, telling them something about myself or asking them a favor or inviting them to go somewhere with me - I give them an 'out' to say no, or not like me - and assure them that this is okay.  It's actually quite an insecure, and at the same time, incredibly selfish thing to do.  What it says is: "I need your approval."  "I'm the center of the universe."  "Love me!"  "But if you don't like me, well, that's okay. There must be something bad in me."

The past few months I've seen much growth out of this junior high phase of emotional instability.  I'm much more confident in who I am, what I want, where I'm going, and in just being....I have great peace at not having to be 'Wonder Woman' - she's a bitch, anyway!!

Wow!  Just had an epiphany moment!  It's appropriate to the spirit of my 'rambling' that this thought should end this blog.  I have just discovered why I don't like Wonder Woman on not only a conscious level but also on a subconscious level: it's her boobs!  They're too torpedo'ish'!  Because, you see, really, the only disappointing thing about getting older is that - without surgical intervention, they don't stay ------

Slings and Fans and Googly Eyes - Oh My!

MRI results: slightly torn tendons in the shoulder, no surgery required, just some therapy with an othopedic doctor or chiropractor.  Whew!!


So, my doctor said that I could exercise as long as I didn't do anything that made my shoulder hurt worse - duh!  Well, fast walking doesn't hurt - running while it may not hurt would probably jar my shoulder too much. - I'll have to save that for 'after' the doctor visits.  And, in case you don't know, wearing a sling - even one with mesh fabric - is really, freaking hot!  Especially when you're exercising outside in the Texas summer sun -  88 degrees at 10am!!  And, in case you didn't know and were wondering, the little square white box attached to the sling in the top photo is my 'old school' mp3 device - small but it effectively holds about 400 songs - like I'm f***in' going to walk that long!!


Bottom photo: cashwrap has become my 'station' during my shifts at work - easier than out on the floor.  Despite wearing a dress however, it's still irritation-buildingly hot with the sling - so.............I bought a small fan to have at the register with me!  Several of my co-workers discovered how refreshing it was to have the fan up there also that night!  I think I'm going to have to donate one to the store.  And, yes, the fan was on the floor .....and, yes, I blew it under my dress (it did not blow my dress up!) ..........and, yes, I stayed so cool I was almost cold!  And (one more 'and'), in case you also didn't know this little tidbit: If your 'hooha's' cool, you're cool all over!


I got lots of great sympathy from customers - that, of course, is my real purpose - including one who suggested that it could now be said of me: 'She can do her job with one arm tied behind her back!'  I thanked him for the compliment and then asked his permission to quote him here!

I have learned from a friend recently that I'm missing out on one of the really great joys in life because I do not currently have in my possession a pair of 'googly-eyes'.  'Plastic Happiness' to quote him!  My friend, in fact, believes that almost any office related problem (afternoon boredom, co-worker frustration, paperwork snafu) can be solved by just affixing a pair of googly eyes to: paperwork, signs, office doors, name plates on the doors, computer monitors, co-worker's desks, etc., etc., etc. - any surface.  Let your imagination take flight at the whimsical possibilities for an afternoon of office frivolity!  Oh, did I forget to mention, that the joy is significantly richer and free-spirited when the boss is out!!

So, hurry up!  Get yours now - available at any craft store, Walmart, Target, Meijers - or any other department type mart in your area.  You want the richest, fullest life you can possibly capture, right?  Who knew it could be so easy!


Went to church for the first time since visiting Josh and Lynette's in May.  Why?  Peter's playing the bass guitar in the worship band for the youth mission trip.  He played when he was in the youth group, they know how good he is, they needed a bassist, he isn't working right now, Bazinga!  They presented their program to the church this morning before leaving this friday on the trip.  It was strange - to be so familiar with an environment and still feel like a stranger.  And, of course, the first person I came into contact with was the pastor's wife.  A woman who, although has had multiple opportunities to get to know me, whom I've smiled at, made comments to and tried to connect on 'any' level (she won't even make eye contact with me) refuses to even look my way.  She knows me personally (I know) because she knows my son VERY well.  And even when in the presence of me and just ONE other person, she managed to completely avoid even acknowledging my existence.  So, why is she a pastor's wife?  As an observation, no one except previous co-workers even spoke to us while we were there today.  I really understood Matt Casper's take on churches today.  In case you're not familiar with Matt Casper, here's my reference:
http://www.christianbook.com/jim-and-casper-go-to-church/jim-henderson/9781414313313/pd/31331  It's a good read for 'church folks' and anyone else - but it will step on toes, offend and otherwise shake-up any arrogant self-assurance that churches are 'getting it right' these days.


One final note before I lay down for a bit - and I actually want too!  Because communication between people is actually one of the most difficult things on the planet, I believe everyone should have to take several levels of courses throughout their lifetime - graduating to the next level only after demonstrating extreme proficiency for the level below it!  However, if that were the case, we'd have a planet full of junior high students!

Is it a good story or great character development.....or both??

"That other 0.1% of household germs must be really tough.  Like mutant ninja supervillain tough ....somebody should really look into that."  And so is this .1% infecting us on a daily basis, and we don't realize it??  I mean, if lysol can't handle it, how do we EVER hope to combat them???


'X-Men: First Class' - the movie does an excellent job of creating the back story and giving us real characters made believable by actors who take the time to do their homework - especially James McAvoy (Charles Xavier) and Michael Fassbender (Magneto).  They've created such a connection between their characters - I got the whole sense of their brotherhood, their deep friendship, and the strain that's put on their relationship when they realize that, although they believe the same thing, they have vastly different views as to how to handle what is happening.  Their characters give each other room to be different - and in the midst of that they respect each other.  James McAvoy has such an incredible sense of creating a magnanimous, fascinated character without making him maudlin and sappy.  Even if you haven't seen these others this is worth it!  Of course, you won't get all the subtleties nor will you understand the political statement made but it stands alone without knowing all that.............


Okay, yes, I drank the 'koolaid':)  (If you don't understand that, I'm sorry.)


So, without being a 'spoiler' for the movie, I have to share one thing that really pulled me into the character development.  Charles Xavier is the 'God' character in this engrossing modern mythological tale.  You learn that Charles Xavier (Professor X) is who he is today because he was always FASCINATED by the uniqueness of each human, and he believed that a mutation was something to be celebrated not covered up or shied away from or ashamed of.  Because of this, he was able to usually be the mediator between strong personalities.  He wanted each person to be confident in who they were and to appreciate the differences in each other.  He wanted each one to live up to their full potential.  And because of his gift of 'sight', he was able to see all the real potential within a person.  He was also able to see what drove each person, what motivated them, where their fear came from, their insecurities, their strengths.  Again enabling him to be more patient in helping people to see others as they see themselves.  It's hard to really, fully explain with words.  (Sort of the 'God' character - which every good myth has!)  You have to see the movie.


http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/soundfx/car_sounds/car_fast-car_wav.shtml

Okay, so  to switch gears - more like whiplash around to another subject!  I had seen an ad online for some new dresses that Old Navy was discounting and wanted to look at them.  I didn't wear a lot of dresses when I was my heaviest - I looked terrible in them!  Think I'm exaggerating..........(you can't even know the courage it takes to post this picture!  And I actually believed that dress made me look slim - haha!!)

Well, I'm rediscovering my love for dresses.  And finding really cute ones that look good on me.  

Anyway, Katie and I went to Old Navy this afternoon to look at the dresses and, of course, found lots of other things to try on.  I made a mental note that I had seen some really cute pieces but couldn't seem to find the dresses I had seen online.  We were approaching the check-out line when all of a sudden in the very front corner of the store I saw them!!  And they were as cute in person as they were online!!  I hesitated for only a moment when I told Katie, "Okay, I HAVE to try this on.  It's the reason I wanted to come to the store."  And was I glad we did (OMG! I subconsciously just spoke as if I were part of the cast of WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!) - we each got one - different colors - with cropped, short-sleeved sweaters to match.  The dresses are strapless, and since Katie and I both want to wear them to work, we need something over that - hence the sweaters. (didn't take a picture in that yet.)


So, guess what??  I've been fighting serious exhaustion for the past hour or so - forcing my brain to focus so I could write.  I'm thinking I better lay down soon - miracles of this class don't happen for me!  Perhaps my next blog will have to be something about why this is such a miracle.  You know you want to know!! Besides, I think I've become overly narcis'sistic for one day!


**I owe Bill Findley and a few others (Gus Craig) some serious blogging rebuttal - that will come tomorrow!

Want to......Can't

My brain is absolutely overwhelmed - I can't prioritize.............................

There's a Mayan King in My Neighbor's Backyard.....

I saw 'him' for the first time tonight as I was just hanging out/ cooling off in my front yard after exercising (about 10:45pm).  Sitting on the back bumper of my Expedition listening to music, I was just scanning the street.  I was actually reminding myself that when I sit in my house in front of the open window by my computer that it's this same street that out's there.  Nothing scary, nothing new, nothing unknown.  All of a sudden, I saw 'him' - standing there majestically under the yard light in my neighbor's back yard.  An ancient Mayan King (don't tell me you can't see him??)  Standing straight and regal as if he were guarding the entrance to some vast and mysterious land.  I love the that the yard light shining through the tree branches above 'his' head look like stars shining overhead dipping low enough to be a part of his world.  (I'll have to explore in the daylight how it is 'he' disguises himself and the entrance to his mysterious kingdom.)

So, I went to lunch today with my precious friend who lost her baby just 3 short weeks ago and several other women friends.  It was a great time, and I was once again reminded of how much (despite a couple of obvious things....) I really love being a woman and having women friends.  We're really a groovy bunch of people, and 7 of us were carrying on at least 3 conversations simultaneously for most of the hour and a half that we were together!  It was a celebration of several of the women's birthdays and an opportunity for each of us to love on my friend.  And since we were at Chuy's, of course, have creamy jalapeño dip and chips!

We had ordered a mere 3-4 minutes when our food arrived!  Holy Crap!  That was fast!  My exclamation so surprised and delighted one (a young woman with beautiful blue eyes named 'Eli') of the waitstaff assisting with the delivery that she laughed out loud and proclaimed, "That was great!  We earned a 'holy crap' for our service.  I was having a terrible day but not anymore!  Thanks!"  (and she was serious!) And one of the women at our table said, "Only you, Brenda, could say 'Holy Crap' to the food service staff, and not only would you get away with it, but it would make the person's day!!"

As it turned out, it was not our food but belonged to the folks at the table next to ours.  It just happened that the first meal Eli delivered to our table was one ordered by one of our women and by a person at the next table.  Easy to understand the confusion when you consider how busy Chuy's is most anytime on any day!

I was not, however, such an encouragement to all those at Chuy's today.  In attempting to take a picture of the beautiful ladies I had lunch with, I had to go to another section of the restaurant and stand on a bench in the lobby full of folks waiting to be seated.  A bench formerly occupied by 3 business men who begrudgingly gave up their seats that I might perch upon it, gaze through the 'windows' in the wall and snap this photo.  Gorgeous smiles - everyone!  Even my friend who grieves for her son. And despite generously thanking the gentlemen for their graciousness, their smiles didn't really reach their eyes....oh well, not everyone appreciates my spontaneity!

Later after telling my friend and her husband about my 'match'likeness - and my former student's comparison (sparkler:) and my daughter's (blow torch) - they likened me to a molotiv cocktail which is any sort of 'improvised incendiary weapon'.  And, even though the image has some gang connotations, I do like the comparison.  I almost always rise to the occasion of any new situation and look to see how I might be a part of it and spark more life into it - hence the 'improvised incendiary....' part of my personality.  

So, fuzzy brain - this is a good thing, I know....gotta write about an amazing experience at Macy's on fb.  Why not here?  I'm not really sure.............doesn't that say it all?? :}

Messy tastes better....

Because of my bizarre sleep habits, I, like a friend of mine, many times am actually writing about the day's events in the wee small hours of the next morning....I, unlike this same friend, have no problem writing as though it were really still the end of 'that' day:)  Just thought you should know...and also share in my musical interlude:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZ8dnvsiEBQ


I've discovered that administering Stanford Achievement testing to students from my home is very good for my focus.  Two reasons: 1) I can't GO anywhere because, duh, I have to administer the test.  I'm not distracted by any errands that may 'need to be run'  And 2) Because I have to be quiet most of the day so that the student can focus, I have lots of 'thinking' time.  Lots of time to sort through, organize, correspond with, finish sorting through boxes, actually READ - yes, I said READ a book, fret about --- oh, no, wait that wasn't supposed to get in there!  I really didn't fret about anything - it was surprisingly, refreshingly uncharacteristic of me and my past history.  And I think a statement about how far counseling has taken me.  More to go but the 'sparkler' is definitely gaining strength!!!


I also remembered a recently learned deep life principle as I was reviewing the instructions for the Stanford with my student - a life principle discovered during Stanford testing that I did during the middle of May: 'Skip the samples'!  After reading similar instructions multiple times throughout the early testing process, I decided to be radical and NOT do the sample questions before the students started the listening portion of the test!!! Ooooh, I'm such a rebel!  I said, "Let's just skip the samples!"  And had one of those moments of clarity in the midst of the ordinary.  'Skip the samples!'  I asked one of the students if they had a sheet of paper I could borrow to write it down on so I would remember it for later?  They did, and they wrote it down for me.


'Skip the samples!'  Profound!  Why?  Well, think about the point of the samples - besides boring us to death - they're supposed to acquaint you with what will be coming.  They're supposed to give you a chance to ask questions concerning that particular portion of the test.  They're supposed to make the rest of the test easier.  In reality, samples are usually more confusing than the actual test, thereby annulling any effect their 'example' may be.  In addition, since they're more confusing or difficult than the actual test, the students don't know what to ask about the rest of the test.  So, I say, 'Damn the samples!'  Why waste time there - just dig in and experience the 'real thing' and along the way, you'll probably get it figured out.  Sloppy but much more exciting and impactful!!


As for the title of this blog: Messy tastes better!  (You thought I would never find my way back to it, didn't you??  Oh, you of little faith!)  Eating a beef supreme taco from Taco Bell today reminded me of this true statement.  After applying a proper amount of 'fire' sauce (2 packets for one taco), I re-wrapped the taco and began eating.  Of course, as I would bite one end, beef and sauce dripped out the other end.  Using my fingers, I pushed the contents back in and continued eating.  I finished and licked off what remained of the taco on my fingers and hand, realizing that 'messy just tastes better'!  Something about having to work to 'keep it all together' while you're eating it, makes food that much more delicious.  And eating that taco reminded me of every really good burger that I've ever had - messy, of course.  The really good kind that drips juice and sauce all over your hands and down your chin, and sometimes if it's really good, down your arm.  Come on, you know what I'm talking about!


Holy Crack!  I just about lost half of my sleeping pill.  For those who don't know - I take 15mg of Ambien (1 1/2 doses) and sleep about 4-5 hours.  I always break the 10mg tablet so that it begins to work faster.  Because of the late/ early hour of the day, I am taking only 10mg.  As I was breaking this morning's pill and trying to put it on my tongue, part of it got stuck to my finger and flew....somewhere!  Find it!  Oh, never mind, there it is - on my lap.  I got it!  Don't worry!  Don't get up!  Do you even hear me??  Oh, right, you're ALREADY asleep - sheesh!  Good night -----