Talk about drawing focus...........(I'll have to add the picture to this blog tomorrow. It's on my camera, and I'm on Peter's laptop because Lynette and Josh are sleeping in the room in which my computer lives. I cannot find the slot in which to put my camera card - don't think it has one....I could wake up Peter but I'm not sure he'd appreciate my dilemna:)
For the second day in a row, I went to the eye doctor's. Yesterday, with Katie and Peter to get in their yearly check-ups before returning to school in the fall. This time with John, so that I could drive him home after having his eye's dilated.
As usual, we waited almost 40 minutes before being taken back to the examining rooms. But we see a great doctor (with a fabulously sarcastic attitude and wit), so we always bring along a book and don't complain. Once we were in the room, the office supervisor was our nurse today. She was terrific - really personable and genuinely amused by John's old jokes. As she said: "They're new to me!" Just a few minutes into her portion of his exam, she realized that the equipment in that particular room wasn't working properly. So, she asked us to wait in the 'inner' seating area until she could get another room available.....before we made it past the next room, we heard her voice call out: "I found one!" We shared a quick laugh with her.
The next few seconds were startingly quick. As John sat down so the nurse could restart his exam, I put my purse in one of two extra chairs in the room. I felt a sneeze coming on as I turned to sit in the other chair. I didn't have a Kleenex handy and couldn't get my arm up close enough to sneeze into, so I started to bend over at the waist so that my sneeze would go on the ground and not be spread on equipment throughout the room. The next second I had the most excruciating pain in my left eyebrow bone and realized that on the way down to sneeze, something had stopped me - and hard! What the hell?? I sat down in the chair holding my head. It hurt so badly.
And then I realized that 'on the way down' to sneeze, I had whacked the edge of the back of the doctor's examining chair forcing my glasses into my head right above my left eye. And when I say 'whacked', I mean 'wwwhhhhaaaccckkkeeddd'!!!! I didn't 'smack' or 'hit' or 'bang'....I was headed full-speed ahead to direct my sneeze on the ground! It hurt like hell!! And within a few seconds I had a large, angry welt beginning. The nurse was as surprised as I was - don't know for sure John's initial reaction - I couldn't hear anything except the voice in my head saying: "You idiot! You just 'whacked' your head and hard on the back of the chair! Holy shit! How did that happen? And did you break your glasses? Whew! No! The glasses are okay." I could feel the bump beginning on my left eyebrow bone. John said I needed ice - good thing we carry water bottles everywhere that are usually full of ice and water. The nurse got me a towel to put around John's water bottle so that I wouldn't get water all over my face. She also left to get Motrin for me to take for the pain.
During her absense I was struck at the absurdity of it all. John and I both started laughing, and I said: "I was jealous of all the attention you were getting." In the next moment, I started crying because I realized that Josh and Lynette would be here today, and I was going to look ugly with this big, red lump on my forehead. After returning with the Motrin, the nurse decided that, instead of us sitting in the inner waiting room for one of the doctor's regular examining rooms to open up, we could instead just stay in that room, and she would have the doctor come to us this time. She left to let him know that John was ready. During her absence I pulled the water bottle back to examine my lump:
"I'm going to have a giant lump and a black eye!"
"You're not going to have a black eye. Keep the ice on it, and the swelling will go down."
"I am...I'm going to have a black eye." (more panic and crying at the prospect)
(enter eye doctor) "What in the world happened?" Of course, he knew. He quickly examined my eye and had the audacity to confirm John's medical opinion that I would, in fact, NOT have a black eye.
**Important note as to my frustration at John's being correct: John's is able to make even a 'pull-it-out-of-your-ass' guess sound like he has studied the topic or issue for years. It's a gift he inherited from his dad:) So, when one of his answers is proven true, it's especially frustrating to endure his ego. Alright, I admit, that on this occasion he was NOT guessing but drawing upon his knowledge of injuries from his years as a coach.
Anyways, back to me!! He told me how sorry he was that this happened, finished John's exam and was making his final comments to John, when he looked over at me and said: "And the next time you come, be sure to wear a bicycle helmet!"
The end of the story? Of course, I DON'T have a black eye or an angry, red lump - just a very sore spot on my left eyebrow bone and a story for John to tell.........
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Go right to the source or you'll miss the Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream
And you DO NOT want to miss Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla!! It's definitely they're BEST - even for those of us who like 'junk in our trunk' (or stuff in our ice cream:) - it's still the best: simple, smooth and delicious.
So why on this early, early Wednesday morning - the morning of the day that Peter gets back into town from his week long hiatus to the lovely, cool northwest, the morning after my first real physical therapy connected to my partial tendon tear which occurred in February and is just now getting taken care of, the morning of the day that is two days before Josh and Lynette fly in for the weekend, the morning.....you get the idea - why am I talking about Blue Bell ice cream? And what the hell is the 'source'?? Glad you asked............it's deeply significant.....deeply:) (aren't all things with me?)
You would think that the number of times that I've 'learned' this particular lesson and the variety of venues through which I've been presented with opportunities to learn it, I would have a better handle on the concept. Ha! You would think.......
So, the lesson? Always go to the 'source' for your answer, help, solution instead of trying the 'shortcut'. Plain and simple - go to the source. Here's what I mean. Finally, after 2 months of other doctors recommending other doctors and therapy that wasn't working (as good as the doctor administering it was), finally went to see an Orthopaedic specialist. After ending up at a pain specialist, who by his own admission couldn't help me, I got a recommendation for an actual ortho specialist. And he was GREAT!!!! Totally AWESOMELY great!! If I had just taken charge of my own care two months ago instead of taking other advice, I'd probably be healed and stronger. My therapist (head not body) calls it 'self-care' which is neither selfish nor lazy - it is healthy! I'll have to tell myself that one over and over in order to combat the 'committee' in my head telling me the opposite:)
"Edit Undo" - a most interesting venue in which to learn this lesson. When working in any kind of program in which I'm creating more than just a letter-type document, I occasionally screw something up. Usually /:) I remember to just hit the 'edit undo' button to correct the problem. Every once in a while, I forget.......and then I pay for it. I try my own version of corrections, redo's, fixes and almost NEVER get back to where I originally started. Because in trying to fix it myself, I actually screw it up worse, inserting extraneous commands, superfluous tabs and indents, incorrect tables, and in general, taking the 'long way around'. I end up sometimes having to dump the whole attempt and restart in order to clear up my mess. If instead I would just swallow my pride and let the computer go back one step and erase - how easy. All that's required is a small admission of mistake on my part, simple, right?
Don't you judge me! You know, that's why some of you have broken appliances at your house or 'gerry-rigged' systems or cords running along the wall from thumb tack to thumb tack or a towel by the tank on the toliet - because you tried to fix it yourself instead of going to the source!! For those of you who don't understand the towel by the tank - each person has to manually flush the toilet by pulling up on the chain, hence getting their hands wet.
And on a lighter, less significant level, in addition to getting the right doctor or letting the computer fix my document issue or calling in a repairman, I've learned that not all jewelry, purses and clothes are equal. (disclaimer: paying $5,000 for a purse or shoes or a dress, etc. is ridiculous!) There is something to be said for the higher priced item (the 'source' in this illustration) being of better quality. Since I started (about 3 years) ago buying the higher priced, better quality purses, I've only owned bought 2 purses. And I bought the second one just because I was tired of the first one!! Not because it wore out! So, I'm getting better purses but less of them because I don't need to buy a new one! Huh! Something not right about that one:)
I've always had trouble fitting clothes - my hips were made for styles from the 30's and 40's - not today's 'skinny' jeans.....since I discovered that Macy's and Old Navy and JCPenney's (a little) don't just charge more than Walmart or Target they actually have quality, I've gotten better fitting clothes that look great one me and make me feel beautiful. And if I 'feel' beautiful, I radiate beauty more to those around me.
Where does Blue Bell figure into all of this?? You thought I forgot, didn't you?? Today, at my first real therapy session connected to my shoulder injury, I got two resistance bands to exercise and strengthen the muscles and tendons in my shoulder. My therapist (body not head:) handed them to me and then stepped away to get my exercise sheet out of the printer. As he put them on the table in front of me, I had the faintest hint of vanilla. Vanilla? Where is that coming from? From David, my therapist? Surely not....so I picked up the bands and smelled them - was that vanilla? I pulled them away, put them back up to my nose quickly and pulled them away again. Yes! There it was - the unmistakable smell of not just any vanilla but specifically Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. I shared my discovery with David, and he said he had always thought the same thing. What do you know??
So why on this early, early Wednesday morning - the morning of the day that Peter gets back into town from his week long hiatus to the lovely, cool northwest, the morning after my first real physical therapy connected to my partial tendon tear which occurred in February and is just now getting taken care of, the morning of the day that is two days before Josh and Lynette fly in for the weekend, the morning.....you get the idea - why am I talking about Blue Bell ice cream? And what the hell is the 'source'?? Glad you asked............it's deeply significant.....deeply:) (aren't all things with me?)
You would think that the number of times that I've 'learned' this particular lesson and the variety of venues through which I've been presented with opportunities to learn it, I would have a better handle on the concept. Ha! You would think.......
So, the lesson? Always go to the 'source' for your answer, help, solution instead of trying the 'shortcut'. Plain and simple - go to the source. Here's what I mean. Finally, after 2 months of other doctors recommending other doctors and therapy that wasn't working (as good as the doctor administering it was), finally went to see an Orthopaedic specialist. After ending up at a pain specialist, who by his own admission couldn't help me, I got a recommendation for an actual ortho specialist. And he was GREAT!!!! Totally AWESOMELY great!! If I had just taken charge of my own care two months ago instead of taking other advice, I'd probably be healed and stronger. My therapist (head not body) calls it 'self-care' which is neither selfish nor lazy - it is healthy! I'll have to tell myself that one over and over in order to combat the 'committee' in my head telling me the opposite:)
"Edit Undo" - a most interesting venue in which to learn this lesson. When working in any kind of program in which I'm creating more than just a letter-type document, I occasionally screw something up. Usually /:) I remember to just hit the 'edit undo' button to correct the problem. Every once in a while, I forget.......and then I pay for it. I try my own version of corrections, redo's, fixes and almost NEVER get back to where I originally started. Because in trying to fix it myself, I actually screw it up worse, inserting extraneous commands, superfluous tabs and indents, incorrect tables, and in general, taking the 'long way around'. I end up sometimes having to dump the whole attempt and restart in order to clear up my mess. If instead I would just swallow my pride and let the computer go back one step and erase - how easy. All that's required is a small admission of mistake on my part, simple, right?
Don't you judge me! You know, that's why some of you have broken appliances at your house or 'gerry-rigged' systems or cords running along the wall from thumb tack to thumb tack or a towel by the tank on the toliet - because you tried to fix it yourself instead of going to the source!! For those of you who don't understand the towel by the tank - each person has to manually flush the toilet by pulling up on the chain, hence getting their hands wet.
And on a lighter, less significant level, in addition to getting the right doctor or letting the computer fix my document issue or calling in a repairman, I've learned that not all jewelry, purses and clothes are equal. (disclaimer: paying $5,000 for a purse or shoes or a dress, etc. is ridiculous!) There is something to be said for the higher priced item (the 'source' in this illustration) being of better quality. Since I started (about 3 years) ago buying the higher priced, better quality purses, I've only owned bought 2 purses. And I bought the second one just because I was tired of the first one!! Not because it wore out! So, I'm getting better purses but less of them because I don't need to buy a new one! Huh! Something not right about that one:)
I've always had trouble fitting clothes - my hips were made for styles from the 30's and 40's - not today's 'skinny' jeans.....since I discovered that Macy's and Old Navy and JCPenney's (a little) don't just charge more than Walmart or Target they actually have quality, I've gotten better fitting clothes that look great one me and make me feel beautiful. And if I 'feel' beautiful, I radiate beauty more to those around me.
Where does Blue Bell figure into all of this?? You thought I forgot, didn't you?? Today, at my first real therapy session connected to my shoulder injury, I got two resistance bands to exercise and strengthen the muscles and tendons in my shoulder. My therapist (body not head:) handed them to me and then stepped away to get my exercise sheet out of the printer. As he put them on the table in front of me, I had the faintest hint of vanilla. Vanilla? Where is that coming from? From David, my therapist? Surely not....so I picked up the bands and smelled them - was that vanilla? I pulled them away, put them back up to my nose quickly and pulled them away again. Yes! There it was - the unmistakable smell of not just any vanilla but specifically Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla ice cream. I shared my discovery with David, and he said he had always thought the same thing. What do you know??
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
'The Voyage of the Dawn Treader' IS a good voyage...
- Lucy Pevensie: That was awful.
- Aslan: But you chose it, Lucy.
- Lucy Pevensie: I didn't mean to choose all of that. I just wanted to be beautiful like Susan. That's all.
- Aslan: You wished yourself away, and with that, much more. Your brothers and sister wouldn't know Narnia without you, Lucy. You discovered it first, remember?
- Lucy Pevensie: I'm so sorry.
- Aslan: You doubt your value. Don't run from who you are.
- There are two things about this scene from 'The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader' that are especially powerful:
- 1) "I didn't mean to choose all of that." Lucy's dream/ vision of the consequences of her wish is startling and frightening. She had no idea that her one seemingly 'simple' desperate wish would have such a devastating effect. How like all of us that we get so focused on what's wrong with ourselves that we foolishly 'wish ourselves away' and with us all the great things that we are/ will be/ will influence. If not for Lucy, they wouldn't be in Narnia, Edmund and Caspian would have probably killed themselves at the pool of Midas, Edmund would have died in the battle at the end of the first story..... She has insight and wisdom. She, above all the other primary characters, is able to really see herself and adjust where necessary to grow.
- 2) "Don't run from who you are." There is something so unique and special about each of us, it's absolutely necessary that we not run from who we are. If not for us being us, who will be?? Who will fill the gap that would be our life, our influence?? From the youngest of us to the oldest. And age is no bearer of significance of a life. 'It's a Wonderful Life' echoes this very theme: the specificness of each of our lives - the absolute, specific, wonderful, irritating, incredible, urgent necessity for each of us in each other's lives. Sometimes, it's the 'irritating' part of each of us that is so valuable to those around us - really! (I must be really valuable! :)
- I also realized during my second viewing of this movie how valuable Reepicheep's character is - what a powerfully strong character he is. (In case you don't know, he's a fearless mouse.) I mean, he's an amazing example of the perfect friend/ mentor - he is always encouraging, always supportive, always believes in the ability of his friend to grow and change, always willing to give of himself/ to inconvenience himself on behalf of his friend. Throughout the entire movie he is a friend to Eustace. From the very beginning no one wants to be Eustace's friend - he's a horrible boy! He's verbally abusive, conniving, sneaky, two-faced and incredibly self-centered. But Reepicheep makes the choice (and therein, I believe, lies the key!) to believe in him, to see what others cannot or will not see - there is potential and promise even in Eustace as there is in all of us. Reepicheep by his life begs us to be patient, tolerant, and understanding of all people.
- EVEN when Eustace makes a really shitty choice - out of his own selfish nature - and ends up being changed into a dragon, Reepicheep NEVER reprimands him! He just encourages him to look on the bright side and stays up with Eustace to comfort him in his sorrow! He knows that Eustace realizes the consequences of his choices, Reepicheep doesn't have to say anything. How novel would that be?? To just 'be' with our friends in their moments of sorrow over whatever life brings them, and not feel like we have to make some cliche comment about the obvious or about the 'silver lining'!! I think that would have made a HUGE difference in my life - to have seen 'real love' demonstrated more than occasionally....
- And as I've learned myself in recent months, Eustace responds to the friendship more quickly and willingly than any amount of force or rules or 'standards' could have ever produced change. And never once does Reepicheep reprimand Eustace for the places where he responds out of fear or arrogance. He just continues to enthusiastically support and teach and invest in Eustace. I've been amazed at the changes that have happened in my life recently because of the friendship and trust given to me by John, my kids, my friends, my aunt and cousins....they have loved me to freedom and courage. I have made more positive growth in the past 6 months than in all the previous years - and I mean years - of my life!! I finally understand what true love/ friendship is - not completely mastered trusting it yet, but I'm getting better!
- To avoid writing a novel and because the next subject is completely different and deserves it's own 'space', I'm stopping now. Proof, once again, that I've made significant growth!
Friday, July 15, 2011
A Canal and a Mall.....
So, in telling Katie about my recent odd dream - but at least not scary or disturbing this time - I realized that the last 3 dreams that I've had that I can recall have had similar images. Oooh, Twilight Zonish! Amazing considering I only ever saw that old tv show once or twice - it was too scary for me. (I know, I'm a lightweight!) Anyways - here are the images: a canal (sort of a bayou but with finished edges), a mall and some sort of apocalypse/ fantastic scene/ need for a hero.
First, let me explain when these dreams happen. Some of you know that I live and breathe - or rather sleep:) - by Ambien. And I never recall a dream (if I even have them) under the influence of that magical sleep aid. However, occasionally, after waking up I will lay back down for a 'few minutes' just to rest: not totally ready to get up but not exhausted either. I figure the best way to teach my body that it's okay to rest is to do it whenever I can. Many times, I will actually fall asleep into a sort of sleeping wakefulness. Meaning, I'm asleep because I wake up out of a dream and realize "that I've had to have been asleep in order to have dreamed" but I'm also partially awake because I realize that I'm relaxed and possibly 'sleeping'................
And that's the magic of my brain:) Don't you wish you were in there all the time??!!
Dream #1: (a couple of months ago - I think I wrote about this in a previous blog, but I will reshare in order to point out the similarities with the other dreams) I was driving in Houston traffic in the rain. The unusual part is that I was sitting outside my Expedition driving on the windshield with my feet. My kids were in another car driving beside me. Then, all of a sudden, I was driving alone on a canal over dark water from the middle seat of my Expedition. The even more problematic part now was that I was turned around backwards trying to steer wondering why it was so hard for me to see the road/ canal. In addition, I wondered why I wasn't sinking into the dark water since I was in such a heavy vehicle not designed to support itself. It's interesting to note that there were no buildings on either side of the canal right now. In the next instant, still driving backwards from the middle seat, there were grates across the canal every 20 feet or so. And at the point that the grates began there was also a factory on the right side of the canal. Perhaps my brain compensating for the 'not sinking' part? I seemed to be skimming across the canal jumping from one grate to the next..........then I woke up?
Dream #2: (about a month ago) I was at a mall conveniently located beside a canal where a friend (Rachel) and I had driven a boat in order to go to the mall. At some point in our shopping expedition, John, Katie and Peter had shown up having driving our Caliber there. John gave me the keys to keep in my purse. Rachel and I left the mall before they did and were halfway home, when I realized that I had the keys to the Caliber still in my purse. We were going to have to turn around and go back. We began looking for a place to turn around and came to a 'Y' in the canal. At that point there was a high school on the left side of the canal, and as we approached we noticed the students out on the front lawn as if they had just had a fire drill. Upon closer inspection, we realized that there was a man aiming a gun at a teacher's head. He fired, the teacher fell over dead, and the man jumped in a boat on the 'right' side of the canal. He somehow managed to jump over the canal with no bridge in sight and get in the boat. He sped off. We slowed, and I realized that we should go and help them. However, we were both very frightened so we gunned the engine and took off. I felt guilty as we sped by thinking that a 'real hero' would stop and help. But I was so afraid of being shot myself that I couldn't. I thought: "Bruce Willis would help them." And then I woke up................
*Also interesting to note, is that during the in-flight emergency instructions when I flew to Minnesota in March, I remember thinking that if something happened on the flight and the oxygen masks came down, Bruce Willis would not put his own on first and 'then' attend to those around him. He was 'damn the mask' and struggle to save the lives of all of those on the plane. What is it with hero images and me and Bruce Willis?? It's not like I'm that fascinated by him anyway......I mean I do like bald occasionally - particularly Patrick Stewart.
Dream #3: (yesterday - Thursday - morning) It was a post-apocalyptic era, and I and several hundred other people were on a barge floating down a river (that had neatly mowed edges - more like a bayou) headed to some new place.....I couldn't specifically identify everyone on the barge but I 'knew' that I knew everyone there. My family, of course, was there. During the trip we came upon a large mall, very new with LOTS of people apparently untouched by the apocalypse that had changed our lives. We got off and everyone separated, spread throughout the mall, shopping on our own. I was going up an escalator when I heard a voice speaking to me from a 'Chick-fil-a'ish type fast food establishment. (It wasn't Chick-fil-a but it was a higher type fast food place like that as opposed to something like Church's Chicken - ewww) I looked and saw my mother as she looked about 20 years ago. I hurried away from her and rounded a corner coming into a little hallway and running into one of my friends who had been on the barge with me. He didn't say anything to me, just looked at me as if to say: "I had to talk to her. I understand exactly what you've been trying to tell me for weeks!" And then he hugged me. We walked out of the hallway to go down the escalator and head back to the barge. I saw my parents sitting at a table right at the bottom of the escalator. I had to find another way out. I didn't want to go past their table. On my right I noticed an elevator, which we headed towards. As I walked away from the escalator, I looked at 'her' face one more time. It had a look of remorse and sadness, a look that just a few months ago would have caused me to surrender any freedom I had and give up my right to anything. (and then I got a text message in the non-dream world) I woke up realizing that I had thought in the dream: "It's not going to work this time. I'm not caving in. I'm not giving up my freedom. I've seen that look before and it was never true!! She always stopped being sorry once she'd gotten her way." It was an incredibly freeing moment!!
So, what do you think the images mean? There's a canal/ river image in all 3, a mall in two and some sort of 'craziness' in each one. Maybe I'm just too fascinated by science fiction? Maybe as Katie said, I'm afraid that I'm going to be shopping when the apocalypse happens, and I won't get to use/ wear all the things I've gotten at the mall? Or maybe I really am unstable......oooh, delicious thought!
First, let me explain when these dreams happen. Some of you know that I live and breathe - or rather sleep:) - by Ambien. And I never recall a dream (if I even have them) under the influence of that magical sleep aid. However, occasionally, after waking up I will lay back down for a 'few minutes' just to rest: not totally ready to get up but not exhausted either. I figure the best way to teach my body that it's okay to rest is to do it whenever I can. Many times, I will actually fall asleep into a sort of sleeping wakefulness. Meaning, I'm asleep because I wake up out of a dream and realize "that I've had to have been asleep in order to have dreamed" but I'm also partially awake because I realize that I'm relaxed and possibly 'sleeping'................
And that's the magic of my brain:) Don't you wish you were in there all the time??!!
Dream #1: (a couple of months ago - I think I wrote about this in a previous blog, but I will reshare in order to point out the similarities with the other dreams) I was driving in Houston traffic in the rain. The unusual part is that I was sitting outside my Expedition driving on the windshield with my feet. My kids were in another car driving beside me. Then, all of a sudden, I was driving alone on a canal over dark water from the middle seat of my Expedition. The even more problematic part now was that I was turned around backwards trying to steer wondering why it was so hard for me to see the road/ canal. In addition, I wondered why I wasn't sinking into the dark water since I was in such a heavy vehicle not designed to support itself. It's interesting to note that there were no buildings on either side of the canal right now. In the next instant, still driving backwards from the middle seat, there were grates across the canal every 20 feet or so. And at the point that the grates began there was also a factory on the right side of the canal. Perhaps my brain compensating for the 'not sinking' part? I seemed to be skimming across the canal jumping from one grate to the next..........then I woke up?
Dream #2: (about a month ago) I was at a mall conveniently located beside a canal where a friend (Rachel) and I had driven a boat in order to go to the mall. At some point in our shopping expedition, John, Katie and Peter had shown up having driving our Caliber there. John gave me the keys to keep in my purse. Rachel and I left the mall before they did and were halfway home, when I realized that I had the keys to the Caliber still in my purse. We were going to have to turn around and go back. We began looking for a place to turn around and came to a 'Y' in the canal. At that point there was a high school on the left side of the canal, and as we approached we noticed the students out on the front lawn as if they had just had a fire drill. Upon closer inspection, we realized that there was a man aiming a gun at a teacher's head. He fired, the teacher fell over dead, and the man jumped in a boat on the 'right' side of the canal. He somehow managed to jump over the canal with no bridge in sight and get in the boat. He sped off. We slowed, and I realized that we should go and help them. However, we were both very frightened so we gunned the engine and took off. I felt guilty as we sped by thinking that a 'real hero' would stop and help. But I was so afraid of being shot myself that I couldn't. I thought: "Bruce Willis would help them." And then I woke up................
*Also interesting to note, is that during the in-flight emergency instructions when I flew to Minnesota in March, I remember thinking that if something happened on the flight and the oxygen masks came down, Bruce Willis would not put his own on first and 'then' attend to those around him. He was 'damn the mask' and struggle to save the lives of all of those on the plane. What is it with hero images and me and Bruce Willis?? It's not like I'm that fascinated by him anyway......I mean I do like bald occasionally - particularly Patrick Stewart.
Dream #3: (yesterday - Thursday - morning) It was a post-apocalyptic era, and I and several hundred other people were on a barge floating down a river (that had neatly mowed edges - more like a bayou) headed to some new place.....I couldn't specifically identify everyone on the barge but I 'knew' that I knew everyone there. My family, of course, was there. During the trip we came upon a large mall, very new with LOTS of people apparently untouched by the apocalypse that had changed our lives. We got off and everyone separated, spread throughout the mall, shopping on our own. I was going up an escalator when I heard a voice speaking to me from a 'Chick-fil-a'ish type fast food establishment. (It wasn't Chick-fil-a but it was a higher type fast food place like that as opposed to something like Church's Chicken - ewww) I looked and saw my mother as she looked about 20 years ago. I hurried away from her and rounded a corner coming into a little hallway and running into one of my friends who had been on the barge with me. He didn't say anything to me, just looked at me as if to say: "I had to talk to her. I understand exactly what you've been trying to tell me for weeks!" And then he hugged me. We walked out of the hallway to go down the escalator and head back to the barge. I saw my parents sitting at a table right at the bottom of the escalator. I had to find another way out. I didn't want to go past their table. On my right I noticed an elevator, which we headed towards. As I walked away from the escalator, I looked at 'her' face one more time. It had a look of remorse and sadness, a look that just a few months ago would have caused me to surrender any freedom I had and give up my right to anything. (and then I got a text message in the non-dream world) I woke up realizing that I had thought in the dream: "It's not going to work this time. I'm not caving in. I'm not giving up my freedom. I've seen that look before and it was never true!! She always stopped being sorry once she'd gotten her way." It was an incredibly freeing moment!!
So, what do you think the images mean? There's a canal/ river image in all 3, a mall in two and some sort of 'craziness' in each one. Maybe I'm just too fascinated by science fiction? Maybe as Katie said, I'm afraid that I'm going to be shopping when the apocalypse happens, and I won't get to use/ wear all the things I've gotten at the mall? Or maybe I really am unstable......oooh, delicious thought!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Random Photographs...
"should", "ought to", "obligated"
In working toward freedom, these are nasty words - full of hidden entanglements disguised as things that responsible people do. Used to make a person feel bad for making an individual choice....still 'mad as hell'!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI
So, I feel like my brain is going to turn to mush during this 'down' period when I have to stop or else have surgery on my shoulder! So, tonight's blog (alright, you know it's actually VERY early in the morning:) will cover some random photos I've not previously shared....
(Me, Christmas 2008) Seriously, he said I "had a fat throat"! That was my doctor's comment when I first went to him about my severe insomnia. After finishing his examination, he said I had a fat throat, and I needed to lose weight. Well, I'm certainly glad that all I had was a fat throat! Now, I know that he meant it was important to be sure that my sleep issues weren't caused by excess weight, and therefore, and obstructed breathing passage. But he honestly didn't say anything else!! Sheesh!!
Really??? I personally think that it's a bad sign if they tell you on the door that it's 'minimally invasive'! Kind of like they're trying to hard to get you in the door - so they can kill you and make you a part of the 'live' wax museum. And just how the hell do you 'minimally invade' the human body with surgery?
Looks like the ballistic gel that Mythbuster's uses to make their 'life-like' versions of humans so they can drop them from the tops of buildings or sling the body hundreds of feet through the air or ram large javelin-type devices through the windshields of cars that they're 'driving'. Doesn't it? Ballistic gel with chunks of some kind of meat fat spread throughout. Actually it's a homemade bar of soap that my amazing friend, Sharon, made with her kids......she homeschools - 'nuff said! (I love you, Sharon:)
LEGOS in the sidewalk - found this one morning. Since I can't aggressively exercise while my shoulder heals, I'm walking LARGE amounts of miles through my neighborhood and making some fascinating discoveries!! Not sure what this is exactly, just that it looks exactly like LEGO blocks - and for the most part the pieces that have eight circles on them. It's almost like an abstract piece of art - fuzzy edges and all...
Yes, Josh and Peter, I'm wearing hand-me-down 'And 1's' to walk! I'm having a little trouble with my right foot and this are so comfortable. It's about time I experienced the 'freedom', right?!?! I feel like these make me stronger, better....shoes can do that, right guys?
(Just in case you're reading this and you have not a sarcastic bone in your body, please read the next paragraph with 'dripping' sarcasm:) Seriously, you're a Baptist church in the middle of northern Indiana?? I don't care if that's the name of your town (and it is) - how can you call yourself a respectable 'right-wing, separated, non-denominational, hell-fire, we're right and everyone else is wrong, fundamental' church and put the word Bourbon in your name?? Apparently, someone was asleep during that deacon meeting and seriously dropped the ball!! And I'm sure the people of the church 'graciously' remind the transgressor of the shame he has brought the church ever since! (This church is along the route from Huntington to Chicago where Josh did his internship last year. Wow! Over a year ago, we dropped him off...)
So, hopefully, in late August this will be more than just a piece of paper stuck to my wrist! Despite Katie's warnings that getting a tattoo on my wrist will hurt like hell, I'm going to do it!! She has inspired me with her encouraging words! :P Actually, she inspires me almost every day - she's courageous and fun and gorgeous, even when she's so not trying to be!!
And speaking of how gorgeous she is at the most random moments - here she is organizing her 'shit' when she got home from school! It's possible that her room looks similar after a month and a half.......:) But for those who know and love her - what else would you expect! I think she lives by the creed: 'Life's too short to organize!' Love the headband - she couldn't figure out what to do with some things, so she put them on!
How cool is this!! This is where my counselor's office is - really!! Hedwig Village - makes it even cooler to go to counseling - on the north side of town off I-10 (Katy fwy) near IKEA. It's kind of a muggle memorial for one of the saddest events in the wizarding world - the death of Hedwig. Almost as bad as Dobie's fate - I audibly gasped!
Speaking of Harry Potter - I have much to reread before the midnight show Thursday! Gotta read.....
In working toward freedom, these are nasty words - full of hidden entanglements disguised as things that responsible people do. Used to make a person feel bad for making an individual choice....still 'mad as hell'!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pojL_35QlSI
So, I feel like my brain is going to turn to mush during this 'down' period when I have to stop or else have surgery on my shoulder! So, tonight's blog (alright, you know it's actually VERY early in the morning:) will cover some random photos I've not previously shared....
Speaking of Harry Potter - I have much to reread before the midnight show Thursday! Gotta read.....
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I'm not falling for it this time!!
So, I've been in need of a hair cut for about a week - it's at that stage where it only looks good for a few minutes immediately following the blow drying - and then it looks like shit for the rest of the day. I'm going tomorrow to get a hair cut, and I know beyond even the remotest shadow of any microscopic doubt that my hair will look 'Lady Di' perfect up until the VERY moment that my hairdresser (who has been doing my hair for about 12 years by the way) douses my head with water to give it the pre-cut wash. There's something about my hair (and maybe yours) that it somehow 'knows' the day that I'm headed to the salon and makes one last valiant effort to save itself from the scissors.
You know, it's kind of like when you've been with someone for a long time and you begin to get lazy and 'let yourself go'. When you were first with that 'someone' you worked hard at looking fabulous: you spent hours deciding just exactly what you were going to wear every time you were with them, how you were going to do your hair - or even - how you were going to 'on-purpose' look like you just threw yourself together in a few seconds. And then as time goes by you get lazy, take others for granted, and just don't have the energy to make the effort - until something happens that shakes you up, makes you realize what a good thing you've got going...
Well, that's what my hair does on the day I'm going to get it cut. It will have been crappy, lazy, shaggy looking up until the official blow dry of the 'day' - and then all of a sudden it will get bouncy and perky and shiny - all in the hopes that I will relent and not get it cut. I've fallen for this a couple of times over the years. AND I ALWAYS GET BURNED!!! As soon as I've subconsciously decided that my hair 'looks great, I better not get it cut' ----
http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/soundfx/city_sounds/city_carscreech1_wav.shtml
for the rest of the day it looks like shit!! So, do your best hair - I'm not falling for it this time!!
On a related but side note, I've decided that since I always hate how my hair looks for the first week and a half after I get it cut, that I'm not going to get as much cut off. I want to have to go back in two weeks for another hair cut - that's how low key I want the hair cut.
*Explanation of the 'Lady Di' comment in the first paragraph: Over the years, I've had short hair many times - starting with a picture of me when I was about 5 or 6 I think, in my favorite dress (or so I'm told) at the time - a beautiful silvery fabric with persian cat heads all over it. (As I just reread that description, it actually sounds like a very creepy dress. I'm going to have to try and get a copy of the picture - don't know that that will ever be possible.....) But I digress - I know, I know - 'digression' is my SOP!! (FYI - Standard Operating Procedure:)
Anyway, the last few times that I've had my hair short, I was told on many occasions that I looked like Lady Diana Spencer. Again, 'FYI' for those who may read this and don't know me, I have very blue eyes similar to Lady Di's. Hence, the 'Lady Di' perfect hair comment....Hey, I just realized that in this past year since I've had my hair short once again.....no one has told me that I look like her anymore. What does that mean?? Oh, well, I guess that's good (and forgive me you die-hard Lady Di fans - I love her too!!!) because she's dead!!
You know, it's kind of like when you've been with someone for a long time and you begin to get lazy and 'let yourself go'. When you were first with that 'someone' you worked hard at looking fabulous: you spent hours deciding just exactly what you were going to wear every time you were with them, how you were going to do your hair - or even - how you were going to 'on-purpose' look like you just threw yourself together in a few seconds. And then as time goes by you get lazy, take others for granted, and just don't have the energy to make the effort - until something happens that shakes you up, makes you realize what a good thing you've got going...
Well, that's what my hair does on the day I'm going to get it cut. It will have been crappy, lazy, shaggy looking up until the official blow dry of the 'day' - and then all of a sudden it will get bouncy and perky and shiny - all in the hopes that I will relent and not get it cut. I've fallen for this a couple of times over the years. AND I ALWAYS GET BURNED!!! As soon as I've subconsciously decided that my hair 'looks great, I better not get it cut' ----
http://www.partnersinrhyme.com/soundfx/city_sounds/city_carscreech1_wav.shtml
for the rest of the day it looks like shit!! So, do your best hair - I'm not falling for it this time!!
On a related but side note, I've decided that since I always hate how my hair looks for the first week and a half after I get it cut, that I'm not going to get as much cut off. I want to have to go back in two weeks for another hair cut - that's how low key I want the hair cut.
*Explanation of the 'Lady Di' comment in the first paragraph: Over the years, I've had short hair many times - starting with a picture of me when I was about 5 or 6 I think, in my favorite dress (or so I'm told) at the time - a beautiful silvery fabric with persian cat heads all over it. (As I just reread that description, it actually sounds like a very creepy dress. I'm going to have to try and get a copy of the picture - don't know that that will ever be possible.....) But I digress - I know, I know - 'digression' is my SOP!! (FYI - Standard Operating Procedure:)
Anyway, the last few times that I've had my hair short, I was told on many occasions that I looked like Lady Diana Spencer. Again, 'FYI' for those who may read this and don't know me, I have very blue eyes similar to Lady Di's. Hence, the 'Lady Di' perfect hair comment....Hey, I just realized that in this past year since I've had my hair short once again.....no one has told me that I look like her anymore. What does that mean?? Oh, well, I guess that's good (and forgive me you die-hard Lady Di fans - I love her too!!!) because she's dead!!
Groovy Sights as I Walked....
Wow! It's been way too long since last I 'blogged'. I love that in this computer age, we 'verb' nouns!! I'm not sure I even know how to get started...and this could be either a very long one due to rambling 'undisciplined' thoughts or a very short one due to 'writer's block'. It's so exciting....you know you have to read this now just to find out how it all ends!
Since hurting my shoulder and having to take some medical leave from the bookstore sooner than I was expecting, and since not being able to vigorously exercise for a time due to the same injury, I decided to take my camera on my walk the other day. I was rewarded with some lovely discoveries....
The statue above sits in my neighbor's yard. I'm wondering if it's made of a shape shifting futuristic alloy of some type because I swear it was merely a stake of metal when I took the picture. Later, after reviewing the pictures from my walk, the geckos appeared. They sit on the shovel right below the bird feeder in the middle of her yard. Maybe the bird feeder is a vortex, and the water is some type of transporter to another dimension?? Or maybe the shovel is a portkey and these poor unwitting creatures are about to get the ride of their lives?? Maybe a portion of the base of the feeder actually slides back to reveal tunnels running below Nellie's yard (that's my sweet neighbor) - and the geckos travel back and forth from front to back yard??
However they got there - the geckos were not there when I took the picture! They are unique, curious creatures - displaying great agility despite their small size. And while this little statue is cute in my neighbor's yard, the real 'live' geckos are a little creepy! In case you've never encountered a gecko in the 'wild', you should know that they stick to surfaces - like the ceiling above your head when you walk out your back door and as you look up you're startled and you move quickly just in case they feel like attempting flight in order to stick on you!! And then you do the 'creeped out' dance - you know, the one where you 'feel' something on you, you shiver and frantically brush imaginary.......'things' off your body! Then you shudder and make a sound similar to: 'blwelleched'! (I do believe that's the correct spelling.:)
Hang on --- Wait....wait....I just 'saw' something else! For those devotees of the 'Terminator' franchise of movies - this tree also appears to be the body of the bad Terminator (the T 1000) in the second movie ('Judgement Day') of the series - the one made of a liquid alloy that is able to change shape. At the end of the movie, right before he's pushed over a railing into a vat of molten steel, he is shot with a grenade that savagely rips apart his alloy body. Look closely at the tree - it looks like the shape of his body after being shot. See what I mean??
Well, this bad ass has really enjoyed getting back to the blog! Have no fear, I won't take such a long break again. Especially with more free time on my hands....
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