What a fantastic, amazing, stupendous day my 50th birthday was - mainly because I turned 50! I feel like I've stepped out of my body and am looking at someone else when I say that I'm 50. (And I don't mean that in a sexy way! - another reference for the Fagers) It's been a weird, winding, incredibly fast journey getting here. Almost like being able to fold space and travel through it - which, btw, enables you to travel farther faster. Which would have been great on Monday (my birthday) when I was driving downtown Chicago in the middle of the afternoon! Had lunch with an old friend from high school and splashed a bit in Lake Michigan just to say that I did!
I love that I don't feel as old at 50 as I thought I would at 20. I thought 50 would be the end of all fun and creativity and joy! Wow, was I a naive 20 year old. Life has just gotten better and richer and fuller! And not because I'm a grandma - curse all of you who have said or wished that on me in the past few months since my oldest got married and I was nearing this monumental age! Life is amazing! Oh, how I wish I had really known that years ago! It's a gift to be shared with everyone around us. I love being 50! And as my doctor said when I hurt my shoulder: "You know the problem, Brenda. You're 20 in your mind but 50 in your body!" Did he really have to say that? :)
As I was relaxing in my hotel room last night in Madison (headed on my way to MN), I realized that I had no sense of 'let down' depression. How cool is that!! Usually at the end of a vacation/ event/ meeting, I have in the past had a great sense of depression because the 'thing' was over, and I had to return to normal life. Not yesterday! I think I've finally begun to enjoy the 'moments' of my life, and I'm not afraid to live in the real world anymore. I'm safe and can let down my guard....well, not entirely yet but I'm working on it.
Got to S. St. Paul by about 5pm and went to my cousin's son's soccer game.....in the heavy, misty rain and really chilly temperature! (Texans, eat your hearts out!) You know, I didn't sit in this kind of weather to watch my own kids play anything, and here I am watching a cousin's son! Only stayed through half-time because my cousin and her family had to leave. My freezing fingers are heartbroken:P Nate played great but the really entertaining part of the whole time was seeing my uncle with his borrowed umbrella.....
Of course, we didn't think ahead to bring extra umbrellas with us - there were only 3 among 4 of us. Meghan had a black one and a really small child's pink umbrella. The most epic part of this umbrella was the handle - with some kind of animal (I've just forgotten which one) carved and shellacked onto it! At first, Bob shrugged off the need for an umbrella - especially a little pink one with a carved handle. Eventually, the cold and rain won out. Bob took the umbrella which upon opening discovered that it wouldn't stay open on it's own, and not only was he going to have to hold it over his head but he was going to have to hold it with both hands. Nice! Way to be secure as a man, Bob!
Enough for one night - brain fried after staying up until 3:30am yesterday because I'm just anal enough to want to send every person that wished me happy birthday a personal response....not just a 'like' of their comment! Come on.....admit it....some of you are like that too:)
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Driving Thoughts
I can't believe I forgot my digital recorder! Do you know how hard it is to write and drive....well, writing and driving is easy but writing and driving AND watching the road - now that's difficult! Haha! Anyway, enough focus on the fun part of my trip....I think SO MUCH when I'm driving, and some of it's actually about the road in front of me! (I'm on a roll today!:) And I always tell myself that I don't need to write these random thoughts down because 'surely they're cool enough to remember...' Wrong! I never remember them all.
And I've had to once again 'give myself permission' on this trip to stop and take pictures. You would think it would be a no-brainer that I'm on a trip and taking pictures of interesting things would go without saying. But I have so much of the philosophy of driving to get somewhere. I feel like a slacker when I stop to take pictures. So, my only memory of the following sign seen at a gas stop will be in my head - not in a picture. The sign was made of paneling type slats propped together to make a standing sign, and it said: 'Pawpaws Fruit Stand: Because it's good' Talk about a claim!
I did manage to write down a couple of things yesterday on the drive to Urbana and my precious, beautiful friend Deb. (was that only yesterday?!) I drove by a cemetery on this little backwoods highway in Indiana and a giant headstone right at the front of the cemetery had the name 'Schmuck' in big bold lettering. I wondered fleetingly if that was the person's name or the description of them that the person purchasing the headstone wanted remembered forever?? Hmmm, I know some people.....
At one point on the drive, I realized that everyone of us in our immediate family would be -- as of my birthday, Monday, the 29th - my 50th birthday - once in a lifetime - really monumental, totally awesome age - did I say it was this Monday......what was I saying.....oh, yeah -- every one of us would be in a different place. And yet, I don't know of many families that could be so far apart and yet still be so close. Here's the location breakdown for this Monday - did I say that was my 50th birthday?:
Brenda (me:) - Chicago
John - Pasadena, TX
Josh - Tennessee with his wife, Lynette and her family on vacation (and even if they were home they'd still be in a different place than any of the rest of us)
Katie - Huntington University
Peter - Baylor University
I came up with what I believe is a great description of our relationship as a family: we are the 'most soul-connected, distance separated family' I know!! We love each other, want to see each other, care to know about each other but also give each other space to be ourselves and live our individual lives. I love that!! A lot of families are separated by distance and let that distance come between staying close - because, let's face it, it's difficult to maintain concern over hundreds of miles. But we're willing to do the hard work. It's a great feeling to know that no matter how far apart we are, we're all rooting for each other.
I feel sorry for people who don't have that..."let, le-let, let me clarify...." :D (If you're in our family, you know what that's from!)
And I've had to once again 'give myself permission' on this trip to stop and take pictures. You would think it would be a no-brainer that I'm on a trip and taking pictures of interesting things would go without saying. But I have so much of the philosophy of driving to get somewhere. I feel like a slacker when I stop to take pictures. So, my only memory of the following sign seen at a gas stop will be in my head - not in a picture. The sign was made of paneling type slats propped together to make a standing sign, and it said: 'Pawpaws Fruit Stand: Because it's good' Talk about a claim!
I did manage to write down a couple of things yesterday on the drive to Urbana and my precious, beautiful friend Deb. (was that only yesterday?!) I drove by a cemetery on this little backwoods highway in Indiana and a giant headstone right at the front of the cemetery had the name 'Schmuck' in big bold lettering. I wondered fleetingly if that was the person's name or the description of them that the person purchasing the headstone wanted remembered forever?? Hmmm, I know some people.....
At one point on the drive, I realized that everyone of us in our immediate family would be -- as of my birthday, Monday, the 29th - my 50th birthday - once in a lifetime - really monumental, totally awesome age - did I say it was this Monday......what was I saying.....oh, yeah -- every one of us would be in a different place. And yet, I don't know of many families that could be so far apart and yet still be so close. Here's the location breakdown for this Monday - did I say that was my 50th birthday?:
Brenda (me:) - Chicago
John - Pasadena, TX
Josh - Tennessee with his wife, Lynette and her family on vacation (and even if they were home they'd still be in a different place than any of the rest of us)
Katie - Huntington University
Peter - Baylor University
I came up with what I believe is a great description of our relationship as a family: we are the 'most soul-connected, distance separated family' I know!! We love each other, want to see each other, care to know about each other but also give each other space to be ourselves and live our individual lives. I love that!! A lot of families are separated by distance and let that distance come between staying close - because, let's face it, it's difficult to maintain concern over hundreds of miles. But we're willing to do the hard work. It's a great feeling to know that no matter how far apart we are, we're all rooting for each other.
I feel sorry for people who don't have that..."let, le-let, let me clarify...." :D (If you're in our family, you know what that's from!)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Totally almost died today!
So, I've recently gotten an email from a fundamentalist acquaintance saying that they 'hoped I didn't get hurt' while traveling on my current trip. They think that I'm making some wrong choices (because I'm a christian) in my life right now and have been trying to manipulate me into obedience. This was their latest passive-aggressive attempt.
For those of you who have never been 'up close and personal' with a right-wing, hell fire and brimstone, we're right and everyone else is wrong fundamentalist, they are a force to be reckoned with - mostly because not only are they arrogant, egotistical, self-righteous and tactless but because they think God condones their behavior as being 'separated from the world'! Wow! Do they have a lot to learn about how God communicates/ deals with us!!
Anyway, I was sharing with a friend today about this recent comment and how, first of all, ridiculous it is to even say something like that to someone who's on vacation. Who tells someone on vacation, 'I hope you don't get hurt'??? You might say, 'Have a safe trip.' or 'Be careful.' And, second of all, the person really doesn't mean that they hope I don't get hurt - it's merely a manipulative attempt to force me to behave the way they want me to. This is actually what they mean (I know this because I've heard it my whole life - be sure to read with heavy, heavy sarcasm!): "Well, of course, I hope she doesn't get hurt. However, if she does.....well, with the way she's been acting, it wouldn't surprise me if she did get hurt. You know, God only allows christians to misbehave for so long before He chastises (they said this word, they really mean 'punish') them."
Really?? Really?? So, God's up there in heaven with a big bat or fly swatter or large vehicle waiting for us to screw up so He can force us back in line? Is that what it says in the Bible? I don't think so! Wasn't there something about love and mercy and grace....hmmmm.....
Anyways, this isn't the point of this blog! I know most of you find it hard to believe that my thoughts would ramble or that I would be so distracted. (It's because I miss Stormy so much!:) So, here's why I've given you all this freaking background....
As I was saying goodbye to my friend today (after telling her about THE comment), I glanced quickly and then turned to cross the street and take a picture of the quaint little restaurant that we had eaten lunch in, when I heard a long, loud 'beeeeep'! I had failed to see the car coming down the street (still at least 500 feet away from me).....I waved and ran across the street. Then had to run back to make a comment to my friend who hadn't driven off yet. We both were laughing so hard at the irony of almost getting 'hurt on my trip'!! Her final comment as she drove off......
'Well, I think you've dodged that!' Hmmm, wonder why God let such a sinner off so easily??
For those of you who have never been 'up close and personal' with a right-wing, hell fire and brimstone, we're right and everyone else is wrong fundamentalist, they are a force to be reckoned with - mostly because not only are they arrogant, egotistical, self-righteous and tactless but because they think God condones their behavior as being 'separated from the world'! Wow! Do they have a lot to learn about how God communicates/ deals with us!!
Anyway, I was sharing with a friend today about this recent comment and how, first of all, ridiculous it is to even say something like that to someone who's on vacation. Who tells someone on vacation, 'I hope you don't get hurt'??? You might say, 'Have a safe trip.' or 'Be careful.' And, second of all, the person really doesn't mean that they hope I don't get hurt - it's merely a manipulative attempt to force me to behave the way they want me to. This is actually what they mean (I know this because I've heard it my whole life - be sure to read with heavy, heavy sarcasm!): "Well, of course, I hope she doesn't get hurt. However, if she does.....well, with the way she's been acting, it wouldn't surprise me if she did get hurt. You know, God only allows christians to misbehave for so long before He chastises (they said this word, they really mean 'punish') them."
Really?? Really?? So, God's up there in heaven with a big bat or fly swatter or large vehicle waiting for us to screw up so He can force us back in line? Is that what it says in the Bible? I don't think so! Wasn't there something about love and mercy and grace....hmmmm.....
Anyways, this isn't the point of this blog! I know most of you find it hard to believe that my thoughts would ramble or that I would be so distracted. (It's because I miss Stormy so much!:) So, here's why I've given you all this freaking background....
As I was saying goodbye to my friend today (after telling her about THE comment), I glanced quickly and then turned to cross the street and take a picture of the quaint little restaurant that we had eaten lunch in, when I heard a long, loud 'beeeeep'! I had failed to see the car coming down the street (still at least 500 feet away from me).....I waved and ran across the street. Then had to run back to make a comment to my friend who hadn't driven off yet. We both were laughing so hard at the irony of almost getting 'hurt on my trip'!! Her final comment as she drove off......
'Well, I think you've dodged that!' Hmmm, wonder why God let such a sinner off so easily??
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
I can breath!
The following bit o' blog is because I live in a different state than my oldest son and his wife.....
I hate being in the same state (just 40 minutes apart) with my oldest and his wife and not able to be with them. I feel like because we live so far away that we should be with them as long as we're in town. They're very busy right now getting ready to go on a week a vacation with her family, and I'm in Huntington helping my daughter get moved into her apartment for her senior year in college. I LOVE helping her get organized - it is one of the most calming things I can do - to organize. However, I'm a little panicky - to be so close to my son and his wife and not see them feels like I'm wasting what little time we have. I feel like if I don't make use of this time, I may never get it again.
That's been a recurring insecurity theme over the years for me: that if I don't say yes to some opportunity or person's request or buy some item right then, or spend time with/ talk to someone who's in the house, I'll never have that opportunity, request or 'thing' again, and I'll never get a chance to spend time with/ talk to again. It's why I've been over-committed most of my life. I haven't been able to say 'No'. And it's not just that I couldn't say no, there's always been a whole other level of guilt and/or fear that by saying 'No' or not directly communicating with someone the entire time I'm in the same 'place' with them, that they wouldn't like me, they would reject me.
Yeah, trust me - it's been exhausting! And a lot of that fear or guilt has come out of the fundamentalism that I lived under for most of my life. Fundamentalist are great about making a person feel guilty about not feeling guilty - it's what they do best!! So, there's never a point at which you don't feel guilt about something - real or otherwise - because if you're not living under some kind of guilt, then you must be guilty!! As I look over my life right now, and the freedom that I've begun to enjoy, I wonder how I ever lived before. I can't imagine that I ever took a full breath, there's always been so much weight on me.
And, btw, Fundamentalism is not just a strict interpretation of the Bible, it's a 'terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad interpretation of the Bible. It's a cult - no way around it!! I will no longer cut 'it' any slack nor excuse it's ridiculous extremes!!
Well, I'm taking full breaths now. I've breathing deeply, allowing myself space to re-evaluate and reconsider everything that's been in my life up to this point. And I'm questioning everything - assuming that most of what I learned/ was taught is incorrect, just so I can gain fresh perspective. And I'm learning how to set up boundaries for myself instead of having to obey authority imposed boundaries given to me because I apparently couldn't listen to God's spirit and the good sense that He gave me and set them for myself!!! Who knew!
Additional 'btw' - if you've never been 'trapped' under a religious denomination/ view/ authority structure, you have no idea what a prison it is. It's a brain-washing that takes intense, on-purpose focus to get away from.
I've been reading a really great book recently (awesomely, graphically written about GREAT sex within marriage!) called 'Sheet Music' and the author, Dr. Leman, reiterated this exact idea when he said, 'A disciplined life is a joyful life, because when you internalize boundaries you protect yourself from the very things that will bring the most pain into your life and marriage and sexual bed.' Learning to discover and internalize my own boundaries (where I have so far:) has been one of the most amazing discovery recently. It's so much easier to have the 'right' mindset when the boundaries I'm following are there because I've discovered their value in my life instead of just blindly obeying some authority who said that it would be good for me!
Wow! My brain definitely goes on some winding roads at times - but reading back over this blog is like traveling on some of the winding roads that make up the Dallas/ Fort Worth MS 150 bike run. You'll notice, though, that this thought road flows relatively smoothly like those roads on the bike route - moving almost seamlessly from beginning to it's seemingly disconnected conclusion! That takes some doing! :D Enjoy!
I hate being in the same state (just 40 minutes apart) with my oldest and his wife and not able to be with them. I feel like because we live so far away that we should be with them as long as we're in town. They're very busy right now getting ready to go on a week a vacation with her family, and I'm in Huntington helping my daughter get moved into her apartment for her senior year in college. I LOVE helping her get organized - it is one of the most calming things I can do - to organize. However, I'm a little panicky - to be so close to my son and his wife and not see them feels like I'm wasting what little time we have. I feel like if I don't make use of this time, I may never get it again.
That's been a recurring insecurity theme over the years for me: that if I don't say yes to some opportunity or person's request or buy some item right then, or spend time with/ talk to someone who's in the house, I'll never have that opportunity, request or 'thing' again, and I'll never get a chance to spend time with/ talk to again. It's why I've been over-committed most of my life. I haven't been able to say 'No'. And it's not just that I couldn't say no, there's always been a whole other level of guilt and/or fear that by saying 'No' or not directly communicating with someone the entire time I'm in the same 'place' with them, that they wouldn't like me, they would reject me.
Yeah, trust me - it's been exhausting! And a lot of that fear or guilt has come out of the fundamentalism that I lived under for most of my life. Fundamentalist are great about making a person feel guilty about not feeling guilty - it's what they do best!! So, there's never a point at which you don't feel guilt about something - real or otherwise - because if you're not living under some kind of guilt, then you must be guilty!! As I look over my life right now, and the freedom that I've begun to enjoy, I wonder how I ever lived before. I can't imagine that I ever took a full breath, there's always been so much weight on me.
And, btw, Fundamentalism is not just a strict interpretation of the Bible, it's a 'terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad interpretation of the Bible. It's a cult - no way around it!! I will no longer cut 'it' any slack nor excuse it's ridiculous extremes!!
Well, I'm taking full breaths now. I've breathing deeply, allowing myself space to re-evaluate and reconsider everything that's been in my life up to this point. And I'm questioning everything - assuming that most of what I learned/ was taught is incorrect, just so I can gain fresh perspective. And I'm learning how to set up boundaries for myself instead of having to obey authority imposed boundaries given to me because I apparently couldn't listen to God's spirit and the good sense that He gave me and set them for myself!!! Who knew!
Additional 'btw' - if you've never been 'trapped' under a religious denomination/ view/ authority structure, you have no idea what a prison it is. It's a brain-washing that takes intense, on-purpose focus to get away from.
I've been reading a really great book recently (awesomely, graphically written about GREAT sex within marriage!) called 'Sheet Music' and the author, Dr. Leman, reiterated this exact idea when he said, 'A disciplined life is a joyful life, because when you internalize boundaries you protect yourself from the very things that will bring the most pain into your life and marriage and sexual bed.' Learning to discover and internalize my own boundaries (where I have so far:) has been one of the most amazing discovery recently. It's so much easier to have the 'right' mindset when the boundaries I'm following are there because I've discovered their value in my life instead of just blindly obeying some authority who said that it would be good for me!
Wow! My brain definitely goes on some winding roads at times - but reading back over this blog is like traveling on some of the winding roads that make up the Dallas/ Fort Worth MS 150 bike run. You'll notice, though, that this thought road flows relatively smoothly like those roads on the bike route - moving almost seamlessly from beginning to it's seemingly disconnected conclusion! That takes some doing! :D Enjoy!
Monday, August 22, 2011
M*A*S*H2011....thrilling inspiration!
So the theme for my current trip came about because John is a nerd! Seriously! Despite having a gps - affectionately named Soki - John still likes to literally map out my trip by inputting all the stops of the trip into Google Maps and printing it out. It's actually a very sweet gesture since technology doesn't always work and our Fager family doesn't always have the greatest of luck along life's journeys....oh, and getting lost on the road completely freaks me out and chases any sense of reason as far from my brain as you could possibly get! (Hard to imagine, I know, but there you are!) I'm attaching a link to my daughter-in-laws latest, and most entertaining, blog entry. She has a unique perspective on becoming a Fager and our 'non-luck phenomenon' :)
http://mysecondcupofcoffee.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/becoming-a-fager/
So, as he was inputting info, adjusting Google Maps preferences based on our personal road choices, getting addresses for my destinations and printing the journey, he realized that the first place we were going was Fort Wayne, IN - which just happens to be the hometown of Frank Burns - hard-nosed, sniveling, religious hypocrite character of M*A*S*H fame. So, as he was putting together the rest of the directions for the solo part of my trip, he looked to see what other M*A*S*H characters' 'hometowns' I would be passing near or through. As it happens, I will go through Ottumwa, Iowa - hometown of the ever-efficient, gentle, naive Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly and Hannibal, Missouri - hometown of the best CO of the unit, Col. Sherman Potter. I will most definitely be taking pictures, looking for local references to these characters - surely it's there, and trying to get some kind of souvenir during my passing through:)
Wish there was someway I could get to BJ Hunnicutt's hometown - Mill Valley, CA - I could suffer there for a day or two! Or even the beautiful hometown of Charles Emerson Winchester III - Boston, MA or Hawkeye - Crab Apple Cove, MA. How gorgeous especially in the fall! *Side note: One of my favorite episodes is where a friend of 'Hawkeye's' who is a second-grade teacher sends the staff letters from the students about the war. Hawkeye's rules - no trading letters, you have to answer the letters you were initially given. Charles is all excited about 'setting these children straight' about war - and then he gets a letter from a little girl who includes a Maple leaf....
I was really trying to somehow include the word 'Smurf' in the title of this trip - because Katie and I decided at breakfast on the first day of the trip (Saturday) that we wanted to get some of the current McDonalds' happy meal toys - Smurfs!! So, when we met my sister-in-law and some of her kids for a late lunch that day to exchange some things, Katie got a kids' meal so that she could have a Smurf. I was going to get one too, but I really, REALLY wanted a Big Mac for lunch not a Double Cheeseburger! (Wow, Jason H., I know, can you believe I passed up the Double for a Big Mac?!)
At some point during our 'exchange' with them, Katie gave me her Smurf saying that she had gotten it for me! It was 'Grouchy' the Smurf pictured above with the pink butterfly on his nose! And these are quality toys - they're very durable, heavy rubber. Anyway, the next day we stopped at McDonalds again - this time for a late night snack. And Katie and I did not get Happy Meals, just a sandwich and an additional Smurf to join our journey. She got 'Painter' - who actually looks like a french guy, and I got 'Jokey' - especially because he's balancing on a present and my 50th birthday is this Monday, August 29th! (And, YES, Bill Findley and Cheri Hill Berry - I'm once again mentioning my upcoming birthday:)
So, if I did combine the two aspects of this trip into the title, what would it be?
*M*A*S*H-Smurf2011 Journey?
*Smurfy-M*A*S*H2011 trip?
or Katie's clever option........'Sm-M*A*S*H2011' !! I like it! Think I'm going to have to change the title of the text group in my phone! And if you're interested in being a part of that text group for the remainder of my journey, just let me know....I'll add ya'! I only have 26 names in the group now - what's a few more! And if the text isn't 4 pages long - it doesn't take very long for them to send........of course, not very many of them have been shorter than 4 pages! :D...................
I have a LOT to say, okay!
http://mysecondcupofcoffee.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/becoming-a-fager/
So, as he was inputting info, adjusting Google Maps preferences based on our personal road choices, getting addresses for my destinations and printing the journey, he realized that the first place we were going was Fort Wayne, IN - which just happens to be the hometown of Frank Burns - hard-nosed, sniveling, religious hypocrite character of M*A*S*H fame. So, as he was putting together the rest of the directions for the solo part of my trip, he looked to see what other M*A*S*H characters' 'hometowns' I would be passing near or through. As it happens, I will go through Ottumwa, Iowa - hometown of the ever-efficient, gentle, naive Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly and Hannibal, Missouri - hometown of the best CO of the unit, Col. Sherman Potter. I will most definitely be taking pictures, looking for local references to these characters - surely it's there, and trying to get some kind of souvenir during my passing through:)
I was really trying to somehow include the word 'Smurf' in the title of this trip - because Katie and I decided at breakfast on the first day of the trip (Saturday) that we wanted to get some of the current McDonalds' happy meal toys - Smurfs!! So, when we met my sister-in-law and some of her kids for a late lunch that day to exchange some things, Katie got a kids' meal so that she could have a Smurf. I was going to get one too, but I really, REALLY wanted a Big Mac for lunch not a Double Cheeseburger! (Wow, Jason H., I know, can you believe I passed up the Double for a Big Mac?!)
At some point during our 'exchange' with them, Katie gave me her Smurf saying that she had gotten it for me! It was 'Grouchy' the Smurf pictured above with the pink butterfly on his nose! And these are quality toys - they're very durable, heavy rubber. Anyway, the next day we stopped at McDonalds again - this time for a late night snack. And Katie and I did not get Happy Meals, just a sandwich and an additional Smurf to join our journey. She got 'Painter' - who actually looks like a french guy, and I got 'Jokey' - especially because he's balancing on a present and my 50th birthday is this Monday, August 29th! (And, YES, Bill Findley and Cheri Hill Berry - I'm once again mentioning my upcoming birthday:)
So, if I did combine the two aspects of this trip into the title, what would it be?
*M*A*S*H-Smurf2011 Journey?
*Smurfy-M*A*S*H2011 trip?
or Katie's clever option........'Sm-M*A*S*H2011' !! I like it! Think I'm going to have to change the title of the text group in my phone! And if you're interested in being a part of that text group for the remainder of my journey, just let me know....I'll add ya'! I only have 26 names in the group now - what's a few more! And if the text isn't 4 pages long - it doesn't take very long for them to send........of course, not very many of them have been shorter than 4 pages! :D...................
I have a LOT to say, okay!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Fuzzy Trees and Bumpy Trucks
Wow! This day turned out to be so much longer than anticipated. Now, that doesn't mean that we were on the road later than we planned....just that we didn't make it as far as we had planned. Who would have thought that just because we rented a truck to transport my daughter's things to school this year, we'd be, oh, 2 - 3 hours behind -- even for our family?!?!
But behind a bit we are....staying in Blytheville, AR instead of Marion, IN as originally planned. This is strange indeed. Oh, not because of where we are but because we are.....stopped.....It has not always been our MO to stop anywhere on a trip. Other than a short (usually 2 hours) stay at a rest area - in order for John to actually sleep so then he can continue driving. But now, no more driving through the night! It's been a gradual 'awakening' to the great benefits of stopping and spending the whole night somewhere along the way - and it's not really an age thing! Really, it's not! We just decided that in making an 1100 mile trip at least 3 - 4 times a year, it's really nice to know that at some point we are going to get to lay our heads down on a pillow and sleep for even just a few hours stretched out on a bed and not bent in a car seat. It's does wonders for the spirit and morale of all participants in the journey.
So, about the truck...this noisy, smelling like a car mechanics shop, very little if any shock equipped truck is the most horrifically bumpy ride I've experienced since my early days of childhood when we grandkids used to get to ride along with Grandpa on the milk route. My grandpa was a milk hauler - and we grandkids got to pass out the mini tootsie rolls to the kids on each farm that Grandpa hauled milk to the creamery for. --- Stop for a minute and reread that last two sentences - and the whole beginning of this paragraph IS just 2 long sentences, correctly structured I would like to point out....how do I know that? Well, I'm a genius when it comes to using and teaching grammar; plus, there are no squiggly green lines under anything indicating incorrect use of sentence structure! Haha! :D
Okay, so, let's try this one more time...about the truck....and the horrifically bumpy ride. Due in part to the lack of real roads anywhere in Arkansas! John said at one point that it would be a nice ride someday if the Arkansas DOT every decided to BUILD roads and not just throw down gravel!! I struggled to text this afternoon because the ride was so bumpy I couldn't hold my phone steady. In addition, I'm hoarse tonight from trying to read outloud in the truck over the noise of the road!
Some of you are probably right now thinking tacky thoughts like: "Really? Something actually could shut her up!" or "If she could just ride around in a truck all the time!" or "Maybe you're hoarse tonight, Brenda, because you've only had 1.5 hours of sleep since Thursday night! Hey! Keep typing, stay up later....." Very tacky!
The fuzzy trees are actually very cool. At one point because my voice was tired and my nook battery had died (charger was in the car with Katie not the truck with me:), I was just looking out the window watching the myriad of 'greens' racing by my window. It's amazing how many shades of green there are in the trees and bushes along the highway!! And if you watch carefully straight out your passenger window (not angled so that you're looking out the side of the front window) you can see the detail in each of the different varieties that grow there. Some of them are soft, some are shiny, some are sharp-edged, some are thick, and some are.....fuzzy. The evergreens are the fuzzy ones! The whole effect is very calming to my spirit despite traveling past this visual display at 63 miles an hour!! Why/ How are they fuzzy? Well, at the end of each branch and sub-branch there are needles. In the center of this 'clump' because the needles are so close together, there is a dark, almost black color. And then as the needles thin out to the end of the branch, they are fewer with more space aound and between them. This actually creates a fuzzy-looking effect, and I think is the reason the 'greens' along the side of the highway are so calming to me......
And since my brain is actually getting fuzzy too, I'm off to bed.....perchance to sleep:)
But behind a bit we are....staying in Blytheville, AR instead of Marion, IN as originally planned. This is strange indeed. Oh, not because of where we are but because we are.....stopped.....It has not always been our MO to stop anywhere on a trip. Other than a short (usually 2 hours) stay at a rest area - in order for John to actually sleep so then he can continue driving. But now, no more driving through the night! It's been a gradual 'awakening' to the great benefits of stopping and spending the whole night somewhere along the way - and it's not really an age thing! Really, it's not! We just decided that in making an 1100 mile trip at least 3 - 4 times a year, it's really nice to know that at some point we are going to get to lay our heads down on a pillow and sleep for even just a few hours stretched out on a bed and not bent in a car seat. It's does wonders for the spirit and morale of all participants in the journey.
So, about the truck...this noisy, smelling like a car mechanics shop, very little if any shock equipped truck is the most horrifically bumpy ride I've experienced since my early days of childhood when we grandkids used to get to ride along with Grandpa on the milk route. My grandpa was a milk hauler - and we grandkids got to pass out the mini tootsie rolls to the kids on each farm that Grandpa hauled milk to the creamery for. --- Stop for a minute and reread that last two sentences - and the whole beginning of this paragraph IS just 2 long sentences, correctly structured I would like to point out....how do I know that? Well, I'm a genius when it comes to using and teaching grammar; plus, there are no squiggly green lines under anything indicating incorrect use of sentence structure! Haha! :D
Okay, so, let's try this one more time...about the truck....and the horrifically bumpy ride. Due in part to the lack of real roads anywhere in Arkansas! John said at one point that it would be a nice ride someday if the Arkansas DOT every decided to BUILD roads and not just throw down gravel!! I struggled to text this afternoon because the ride was so bumpy I couldn't hold my phone steady. In addition, I'm hoarse tonight from trying to read outloud in the truck over the noise of the road!
Some of you are probably right now thinking tacky thoughts like: "Really? Something actually could shut her up!" or "If she could just ride around in a truck all the time!" or "Maybe you're hoarse tonight, Brenda, because you've only had 1.5 hours of sleep since Thursday night! Hey! Keep typing, stay up later....." Very tacky!
The fuzzy trees are actually very cool. At one point because my voice was tired and my nook battery had died (charger was in the car with Katie not the truck with me:), I was just looking out the window watching the myriad of 'greens' racing by my window. It's amazing how many shades of green there are in the trees and bushes along the highway!! And if you watch carefully straight out your passenger window (not angled so that you're looking out the side of the front window) you can see the detail in each of the different varieties that grow there. Some of them are soft, some are shiny, some are sharp-edged, some are thick, and some are.....fuzzy. The evergreens are the fuzzy ones! The whole effect is very calming to my spirit despite traveling past this visual display at 63 miles an hour!! Why/ How are they fuzzy? Well, at the end of each branch and sub-branch there are needles. In the center of this 'clump' because the needles are so close together, there is a dark, almost black color. And then as the needles thin out to the end of the branch, they are fewer with more space aound and between them. This actually creates a fuzzy-looking effect, and I think is the reason the 'greens' along the side of the highway are so calming to me......
And since my brain is actually getting fuzzy too, I'm off to bed.....perchance to sleep:)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Big Gaps!
(think ‘High Hopes’ by Frank SinatraJ) Biiii-ii-iig Gaps! I’ve got biii-ii-iig gaps! I’ve got big, gaping holes in my memories gaps! - gaps in my memory from childhood and teen years. Why? Was the trauma in my life so great that I’ve forced some of the memories way down in my subconscious? Or does my brain process so much data that I just simply can’t remember all of it? (It’s a circuit board most of the time....) Or is it more likely, as my counselor as suggested, that my childhood fantasy life was much deeper and more elaborate than the average child and has lasted longer into adulthood than most because of the trauma?
After being asked by several people if counseling has helped me to remember anything from those ‘gaps’, and so far not remembering anything, I’ve been evaluating these very choices. My counselor’s assessment makes so very much sense! I’ve known for several years that, for the most part, I’ve not lived in the moments of my life - meaning that I’m never in the present moments of each day. I’ve been working to reverse those thought processes. However, if you think about it and let me help you to do that for a moment, living in a heightened fantasy world would account for gaps in day-to-day specifics. It makes perfect sense that I wouldn’t remember specifics from days that I wasn’t emotionally involved in – that I was trying to ‘rise above’ the present moment of a day because of unusual danger to me.
It actually gives me a lot of freedom to realize that I may not ever have to go through any kind of huge ‘REVEALING’ moment concerning gaps in my memory. And it’s calming to know that it’s perfectly normal for my imagination to be as vast and elaborate as it is…..some aspects relating directly to who I am as a person and some due to my ‘experiences’. Because despite occasionally trips into ‘mania’, I wouldn’t want to lose all of my ‘personality’ :)
Saying that makes me realize once again, as I have several times over the past several days, that I wouldn’t want most of the people in my life to lose their personalities either – including my daughter whose ‘squirrel – I see something shiny – mentality’ kicks into HIGH, and I do mean HIGH, gear when she’s packing. I would never want to lose the spontaneity, the madness, the fun, the sheer joy of all that she is just for the sake of getting a box or two packed a little sooner. Now, as to how her dad feels about this……well, he enjoys it too! In the living room the other day, hearing her sing at the top of her lungs and purposefully off-key, he laughingly said: “She’s just so much fun!”
In fact, to run with a tangent for a minute before I end this, that’s the ‘problem’ with all of our kids (and our DIL) – they’re just so damn much fun!!! It would be so much easier to see them all heading off in their own directions if they weren’t such groovy people to hang out with!! And I’m not just saying that – other people really think that too! I would NEVER take their own adventures away from them – I just wish their journeys could be a little closer to mine…..{heavy sigh:} Okay, so Peter's is for now....
Monday, August 8, 2011
Back from Waco
I took a shady moment to take a picture of myself.....and all I can say is that I am one 'unattractive sweater'!! However, exercising outside does make my freckles stand out - and they are freckles, not age spots. I'm also always incredibly red-faced when I exercise. The black cord running from my head towards my torso is, of course, my power source essentially - my energizer bunny battery! The headphones to my mp3 player - old school though it is - with the music that keeps me energized and moving FAST!!!
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