Left Lane ends................in 5 miles!

I really didn't realize what was happening until I was in the midst of it and by then, the 'mob mentality' had intimidated me 'beyond the capacity for rational thought or action'!  (movie line anyone?)

On highway 70 just past Effingham, IL is a section of narrowed lanes with signs beginning 5 miles out.  Seriously!  5 miles before you get to the merge of the two lanes, there are multiple signs, "In 5 miles, left lane will end."  "Left lane ends."  Included were the picture signs, for those who couldn't be bothered with reading actual words, of the lanes narrowing from two to one.  "Left lane ends ahead."  "In 4 miles, left lane will end."  Etc., etc., etc!  There was even an electronic sign that indicated that at the place of the left lanes disappearance the speed would be only 27 miles an hour.  :p  Apparently, they were serious about trying to get people to merge before the last minute.

At the 4 mile mark, after seeing probably at least 10 previous signs, I realized that the traffic was already moving really slowly.  And I realized it was because everyone - and I mean EVERYONE - was already merged over into the right lane.  It was as if we were Borg drones connected to the hive mind and we were moving into synchronous driving mode.  At that moment a couple of rogue vehicles sped by the line of vehicles, wildly making for the empty lane.  I could see that a few other brave souls had pulled out way ahead....but I hesitated too long.  The courage to move out myself was easily quelled by the unspoken submission to the hive mind.

You know, that mob mentality is a powerful force.  It's that force that keeps people silent in an elevator or keeps people from choosing any line they want to at a fast-food restaurant or leaving a seat between yourself and anyone else anytime you're in a waiting room.


As we continued in this way through another mile, I glanced back at the line of vehicles every now and then and noticed that a couple of times vehicles looked as if they might attempt to break free - but each time the vehicles in front of them and in front of me (those who were the apparently self-proclaimed vehicle police - must have been the right-wing fundamentalists in those cars) also noticed them and ever so slightly slid over into the center of the two lanes in order to 'warn' them that any attempt to move on by in the still open left lane would be stopped.  Soon, several bigger cars and semis were 'righteously' riding in the center of the two lanes throughout the traffic just to keep those rogue drones in line.

At about the one mile sign, a free spirit, obviously not aware of the 'system', whipped by me - only to be stopped 5 vehicles ahead of me by a semi that pulled out right in front of him.  It stayed 3/4 in the left lane, effectively preventing this rogue from gaining any access to the freedom that was still available for about a half mile in the left lane.  (Isn't that just like people? We can't handle the 'freedom' for ourselves, and we're damn sure not going to let anyone else!)

I was incensed at the arrogant audacity of the semi!!  Who decided he was god of the traffic and should, therefore, be in charge of when people merged and when they didn't!!

 You know the ironic thing in all of this?  If everyone had just stayed in both lanes until the actual merge, and then had been unselfish enough to just 'give and go' at the merge, it would have made everything go so much faster!!


Oh, how stupid we are in our selfishness!!!

New stuff..and crushed ice:)

So, in a continuing effort to grow beyond the small confines of my upbringing, I have chosen to make three radical changes - just to see what happens;)  You might want to prepare yourself...I'm not sure the average person will be able to read most of this post!


Change #1: I have begun - I think through the inspiration of my DIL - to squeeze the toothpaste tube from the middle!!  No longer will I carefully fold up the tube as I squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom up!  I will grab it wherever I please and just begin squeezing it out on my toothbrush!  In actuality, what is the 'bottom' of a toothpaste tube - it's not like it can stand up on it's own - the 'bottom' is a thin little edge!  (Thanks, Lynette, it's been a crazy adventure:)


Change #2: I think this is probably one of the most radical things I'm doing right now - and it is an issue that has sparked numerous debates - and I mean severe - debates in many families!  We had a conference in my family about this issue actually IN the bathroom while someone was taking a dump - seriously!  The issue?  Which way should the toilet paper roll??  Now, I was taught that the only efficient, cost effective direction was 'over the top'.  And I'm not really sure if there was any kind of research done to prove this - it was just the family way.....from as far back as I knew.  'Efficient and cost effective' - wow!  Who knew it could be so important to be sure the paper comes off the roll in the right direction!  Better not screw that up!


Well, I've decided to tempt the fates and put the toilet paper on so that it rolls off the bottom!  At this point (it's been about a week), there have been no cataclysmic events in the world because of my choice.  In addition, we've not had financial ruin nor taken inordinate additional amounts of time in which to relieve ourselves....hmmm?  Could it be?  Could it really be possible that there is NO right way for it to come off the roll??  Surely not!  Good God, man!  Free choice?  That would be chaos!!


Change #3:  I'm not sure this is so much a change as it is just a choice to not be bothered by my personal likes that may differ from others....you know, lots of times we invalidate people's choices by our forceful assertion 'it's ridiculous to do this (whatever we're asserting) any other way'.  I'm trying to be very careful these days to be much, much more tolerant!  Tolerance, by the way, is NOT a concept of Satan!  So, here's the change - I LOVE, LOVE crushed ice, but I never had growing up nor have I owned as an adult a refrigerator that has a crushed ice dispenser.  


**side note: actually my very favorite ice is the small, rabbit-poop-pellet ice that you get at Sonic:)


I had meticulous training as to the proper way to empty an ice tray so that there was never (or at least as little as possible) any broken pieces of ice - no small chips of ice.  You have to allow the trays to sit out for enough time to make them come out of the tray whole - but not too much or they would begin to melt and then there would be water in the ice cube container in the freezer, and that would cause them to refreeze together in a big mass!  And God forbid if you did that!  It was very important to have whole ice cubes.  In fact, it was communicated that you were absurd if you liked small chips of ice.  "Who would want that?"  Well, me, for one!  So, when I empty ice trays now, I make sure that I empty them right out of the freezer.  And as you know, unless you're one of those 'absurd' folks :) who doesn't like ice....I mean, 'Who would want that?"  :p  I, in fact, try to create as much small, chipped, crushed ice as possible.  And then every few days when it's had a chance to build up in the ice cube container in the freezer, I dump all of that delicious crushed ice into my glass.  Ahhh.......pure bliss!  In fact, I had some today.


I'm sure my life's going to be going to hell in a handbasket any day now.......

Seven of Nine

I am a huge STAR TREK fan - all of the series (and, of course, the movies).  I appreciate the specific focus of each one - and I have favorite characters in each one.  John and I are currently watching through STAR TREK: VOYAGER on Netflix.  And while he and I joke that Seven of Nine is one of John's favorite characters for obvious reasons.....I realized that she is one of mine also for a most specific reason.

In a lot of literature and movies, conflict is created because characters do not express their inner thoughts or questions.  If something happens to them in a private moment that needs attention from others, they usually don't seek out that help in the beginning for any number of reasons - of course, the author's/ scriptwriter's intention is to create conflict, and therefore, continued interest in the story.  Besides real life is full of conflict, so it only makes sense that literature and movies would be also.

Anyway - and no I am not digressing nor have I wandered off topic - in episode 26 of season 6 and episode 1 of season 7 (two-part) 'Unimatrix Zero', I had a revelation about Seven of Nine.  She usually asks for help anytime she comes up against a problem.  This episode begins with her having a disturbing dream or so she and the doctor believe.  However, you learn later that she's actually being contacted by a drone from a borg ship....The point is that as soon as she emerges out of her regeneration cycle in which she has the disturbing encounter, she goes right to the doctor to get help, and then when the images continue in her next regeneration cycle, she takes it to Captain Janeway.

And I realized as I watched the episodes that I feel a sense of relief with her character.  It's been an almost imperceptible realization over the last several episodes.  As the episode progressed tonight, I questioned myself as to the source of the relief......and realized that it's because she almost always gets help - she reaches out in her distress.  She does not keep it to herself creating misunderstanding or angst or more problems.....I know she's going to be okay because she doesn't have to/ try to tackle a problem on her own.

And I think that quite a bit of the VOYAGER series/ characters are like that. Does that make it boring??? By no means!  Because they're is still much struggle/ much conflict in the series.  It's just created more by the crew as a whole facing an outside opponent united together as opposed to individuals fighting all alone because they're too filled with pride or frightened or embarrassed to share their struggle with the others.

Not sure what that means: I don't like conflict?  I don't like situations where I know a problem/ situation could be easily solved if the character would just tell someone?  I want everything to be okay?.....I have a crush on Chakotay?  Well, that goes without saying!

Me, myself and I....contemplating the Little Girl inside there!

(fyi - and 'for your information' - I'm using the font 'Georgia', made me remember the old sitcom 'Designing Women'....what a great show with such specific stereotyped characters played by excellent actresses!)


So, this blog is going to be a rambling collection of my thoughts on a subject recently discussed with my therapist - makes me sound so 'Evening Soap Operaish' to say I have a therapist! :)  Rambling....well, duh...because that's the name of my blog (and so I have poetic license to ramble whenever the hell I want!) and because my thoughts aren't really crystallized on this idea....hopefully blogging will help that.  And because I haven't blogged in FOREVER (it feels like), I need to get some thoughts down.  


A familiar topic throughout my therapy has been that I have taken the key back to my own life....finally!  It's only taken me 49 years - better late than never.  I control the rest of my life - no one else has permission to tell me what I can or cannot do with my life/ what I will or will not believe.  I get to decide - it's really amazing!  *Side note - despite that freedom, there are still things currently in my life that I'm doing out of obligation...gotta work on those!  Okay, nobody's perfect!


The cool thing is that because I'm now in control, the little girl in me can begin to feel safe.  Anytime the 'voice' of that inner little girl comes up - mostly when I'm afraid or feeling like something/one is controlling me - I can reassure her that I'm holding the key now.  She's safe...she's in a protected place now.  As she begins to believe that, then she'll talk to me - tell me the things that are still hidden from me.


Sounds kind of 'other worldish', I know....but kind of like the story line of the movie 'The Kid' too.  (*additional Side note - Spencer Breslin was wonderful in that movie!)  The little girl inside me will share the things about me that I don't know when she feels safe enough, knowing that what she says will be taken seriously and believed.  You know, if people don't believe you one of two things generally happens: either you get more and more neurotic in defending yourself or you stop telling anyone anything!  Including yourself!!!  I mean, what's the point....if no one is going to listen or believe you.


She will feel safe.....she will be able to sit and play....or rest and visit....or dance and sing and paint - instead of feeling the need to be always alert, always on guard, always second guessing her choices....


More on this later........this 'big girl' is actually a little tired!!