http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlNzpl3vz5Y Okay, so the song isn't really directly related to this blog, I just really love it!
One of my goals for this new year was to learn to quiet the voice in my head that said I always had to be performing in order to be valid. To come to appreciate that I am valuable whether I'm 'doing anything' or not - and by 'anything' I mean a job, chores, projects, assignments, even volunteerism, etc. It's not been as difficult as it would have been just a year ago - I've changed so much. I'm so much stronger, more at peace with who I am. And yet, I had a thought a few days ago.......
I had shoulder surgery on February 1st - and am doing my best to rest at home. I'm not driving or doing much in the way of housework. However, I don't know that I'm actually experiencing the freedom of allowing myself to be okay just resting and relaxing - because I am actually 'doing something'. I'm resting because I've had surgery. Surgery is my.......safety valve.....I 'have' to rest because it's the only way that I'll get better. So, I'm not just sitting at home because I'm choosing to pull back and allow myself to not have to work or be busy, I have a reason for sitting at home doing nothing. I'm recuperating - and the only way to heal, to get better is to sit and rest - to do as little as possible.
I'm still doing a job........(sigh....) I am getting better at doing it in a more bohemian fashion - that's progress!
I can't wait to start painting. I had the opportunity to paint at a friend's baby shower: Millie - who joined us outside her mom today! The concept was a brilliant activity for a baby shower - paint a portion of a picture for the baby's room. Instead of signing a baby book or writing stupid cards with unwanted advice - we signed a mat board and then painted an image on a canvas. We could paint whatever we wanted - our message to Millie. I wanted her to know that her life was an adventure like a great book and that it was beautiful!!
"A Girl Called Millie" by Millie Prophet - and all the people who will ever be a part of her life!!
It was one of the very best baby showers I've ever been to......It was so low key: guests visiting, food, 2 drawings (just bring a package of diapers or wipes to enter) for wine themed gift baskets, sign the matboard, paint something for Millie on the canvas. And I didn't even realize how special it was until it was over. All during the party, I kept waiting for some silly party game to begin - actually looking forward to being able to not participate because of my recent surgery. But they never happened! I really hate those games!
Hang on - I just realized that it was the first baby shower I've ever been to for a friend outside my former religious friend circle. It was such a celebration of life, of family. I sat next to a woman pregnant with her fifth - who knitted as if it were second nature. So many of those religious people in my life who led me to believe that anyone not a christian doesn't believe - can't believe - would NEVER believe in the sanctity of life. HA!
The more I step away from my religious upbringing the more I see how much pride and arrogance is associated with religion/ fundamentalism. (small disclaimer: not all religious/ christian people are arrogant and prideful - but more than should be are) In their effort to speak the 'truth', they become so fixated on themselves and that they carry the truth - they believe their own press - that they're invaluable to the truth getting out, that the people who need the truth must be stupid - otherwise they'd know how much they need the truth - and surely they'd accept it, wouldn't they??? So, those who have the truth have to force/ coerce/ guilt people into accepting/ taking the 'truth'. They can grow to believe that anyone who doesn't believe the same must believe all kinds of weird, wrong, stupid, horrible, vicious, unloving, selfish, non-godly things. And any of the previous categories automatically equals ungodly.
So........................every time I now encounter thoughtful, caring, intelligent, non-religious people or people of a different religious background who have obviously made a thoughtful choice about something in their life that is so different from mine and that I've been led to believe is wrong, I'm in awe. (That is one freaking long introductory clause in that sentence! :) To quote a movie that I just saw about 2 weeks ago, and that I've discovered has some really profound character depictions: TANGLED, ".....And at last I see the light, and it's like the fog has lifted...."
Don't we usually see truth in the simplest places.......
The mother, of course, is the most profound of the depictions: an expert at using guilt and manipulation on a naive, trusting younger person to further her agenda. Words like 'betrayal', 'obedience', 'suffer', phrases like 'surely you don't want to.....', 'I mean, I wouldn't do it that way but.....', 'Well, if that's really what you think.....', 'I suppose you could do that.....'
......and lots and lots of heavy sighing........
The effect of painkillers on me is interesting - at least the painkiller hydrocodone. Instead of knocking me out, it just makes me happy and mellow. I'm agreeable and willing to out of my way to be so! Yes, you brat, I'm talking about me - Brenda! And I say it's 'interesting' because I think, for the most part, people who take it sleep quite a bit (at least, John does:). But I've always had a 'hard-core' response to medication. In other words, where the minimum dose works on most people, I always have to have the 'next step up' or 'the prescription level dose', etc.
Because I knew I was going to be out most of the day last Friday running errands, I took back-to-back pain meds - bringing the meds with me (John was driving:) so that I could stay medicated throughout the day. I can always tell 2 specific points of the medication's effect druign the 4 hours between doses: 1) When it first covers the pain, and 2) when it 'mellows' my whole body.
When each dose first completely covers the pain, about 45 minutes after taking it, I realize the pain is covered because I get this really wonderful, fuzzy mellow feeling behind my eyes. I'm overwhelmed by an actual 'warm, fuzzy'. In that moment, I think the the whole world is right and wonderful and worthy of patience and love - and I realize that I don't have pain in my shoulder or down my arm.
At about 2 1/2 hours into the dose, I suddenly feel all the strength leave, and I have no desire to exert one moment of energy beyond what I absolutely have to! I'm not tired, sleepy and have never fallen asleep at this point. I'm just more relaxed than I can recall ever being in my whole life.....I'm mellow:)
I'm really glad that the hydrocodone makes me mellow because it made a day of errand running that much better. Why? I LOVE to run errands! I do - call me crazy (as if you don't already for so many other things!) - but it's another one of those freedome empowering activities that encourages me to embrace the reality that I AM an adult and - HAPPILY - fully responsible for myself and my actions.
MUST INSERT: It is extremely less pleasureable, infinitely more of a burden to be borne, to have to run errands in the summer in Texas!!!
Okay, back to love it.....in addition, I also really enjoy hanging out with John, my husband. We really have a great time together. So, you can imagine how much groovier I felt Friday - not only was I doing two things I love - but I was doing them while completely mellowed on medication! Win - Win - Win!!!!!
I guess it stands to reason that since I have always had a fantastically heightened imagination and fantasy world (due, in part, to childhood trauma), that I would be drawn to movies about wonderfully fantastical worlds: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Nim's Island, (any movie about) Atlantis, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Harry Potter, Thumbelina, How to Train Your Dragon, Hercules, Clash of the Titans, etc.................ad infinitim :)
So when the remake of Jules Verne's classic "Journey to the Center of the Earth" came out in 2008 starring Brendan Fraser, I was very excited! And except for casting Josh Hutcherson - who sucks!! - it was exactly what I expected. A campy fun modern retelling of the classic story. And, of course, I was very excited when previews came out several months ago for 'Journey 2: The Mysterious Island'. Today with great anticipation, John and I bought our tickets to the 3D showing of 'Journey 2' - and despite taking all fo the previews to get myself situated "sling and all" in the redone leather (now) seats - very nice - I was thrilled when the movie finally started......
It was downhill from there. And not a gradual, tolerable, amusing downhill ride but a straight down, sheer drop to so much cheesiness not even 'the peck poppers of love' could rescue it!!!
One of the most misleading elements was the soundtrack. 'Misleading' because the music/ sound throughout the movies is adventurous, grand fantastic leading the watcher to believe that the movie will be the same. It was disappointingly NOT!!! Let me be clear - the sound design is great - too great, in fact, for the movie.
There are so many unexplained, unconnected, unjustified, unmotivated characters, relationships, lines, and scene jumps. There's no 'time' in the script to allow the audience to accept and believe the characters, first of all, and then the relationships. In addition, the characters are not consistent, making choices that defy 'information' given in the opening of the story. The movie relys on cliche' character stereotypes to force audience connection to characters that the writers haven't given me any reason to care about! This also causes most of the humor to fall flat because it's worked over instead of allowed to happen naturally.
I hate it when the previews for a movies are the best part of the movie!!
There are no points of reference for most of the events in the storyline.......
"Oh, what's that smoke?"
"It must be my grandpa."
Really? Why? How do we know this? Have we heard anything about grandpa other than a quick reference early on that he's a deadbeat? Were we ever given any hint or foreshadowing that we'd see grandpa again? This movie is like a really bad Batman episode - you know, where you never see any action until one of the dynamic duo or villians tells you first that they're going to do it?!?!
Say what you want that it was probably exactly what it was supposed to be because it was a juvenile movie......but remember, so was Harry Potter!!!
Josh Hutcherson is a terrible actor - his character in this movie is shallow and unbelieveable. I NEVER for one moment believe anything about his character.
****Personal note: I'm actually one of those people that you want to come to your movie. I am always willing to completely suspend my disbelief and enter the world of the movie. I want to be entertained or confounded or mystified or in awe - whatever it is you the movie producer want me to believe. So, it says a lot that I could not 'enter' this world - ever!!
The attraction that he and Vanessa Hudgens attempt to create is riduculous and embarrassing. They both look about 14 years old and yet the movie would have me believe that they are a great serious love - HA!!
The director/ producers spend a great deal of the movie building up to Captain Nemo's ship - and then rush through what could have been the best part if they'd taken the time to tell the story better. Really, I think that's the whole point - they had potentially a great story concept but had really crappy storytellers!
Almost forgot (because this movie was so terrible) that we actually had a cartoon before the movie. Haven't had one of those in years....it was cool - and the only redeeming feature to my theater experience on Saturday!
