I'm Not Going to Stay Down!!

Well, it's been awhile since last week - in fact, a week :*) - when I asked anyone willing to "wish me luck" - no questions asked - just wish me luck. And then I told you later in the day that, although I appreciated the good wishes, they didn't help......and that I would explain later.

Well, it's later..............

As many of you know, I had applied to grad school at Marywood University here in Northeast Pennsylvania. And I was very excited at the prospect of getting my Master's in Communication Arts looking to teach Speech and Theater at the college level in just a couple of years.  Well, they turned me down, and while I'm frustrated and angry, I'm not going to stay down! I'm pursuing other avenues as we speak.

So, here's the deal!  And some words of warning for a select group of people out there who may be currently attending or considering attending a particular institution that I'm about to rail upon......(Cheri Berry, I get my moment, and then I will move on....)

I attended Bob Jones University, oh way back when....and got a Bachelor of Science degree in Speech Education.  It is a very small, fundamental, christian university that is accredited by the lowest tier of accreditation associations: the Transnational Association of Christian Colleges and Schools - that means nothing!! Absolutely nothing in the way of any kind of assurance of quality education. They are not regionally accredited and cannot get regionally accredited.  And it has been their policy in the past that they didn't want to be - that, in fact, it was scripturally incorrect, to be accredited. That as a christian, you shouldn't want or need the "world's" approval - that you were somehow "weak" if you asked for the world's approval of what you were doing.

What this means for their graduates looking to get advanced degrees or improve their employment or get advanced certification is that they cannot!  Why?  Because institutions that ARE regionally accredited - that do have standardized programs - that have stood the test of time and have proven themselves - is that they will not recognize the validity of an education at Bob Jones University. Because Bob Jones University has not been willing to put itself under the microscope and let itself be examined - let itself be tested - let itself prove that what it provides is a quality education.  It's screwed itself and chances of large increases in the student body, and it's screwed it's student's (current and past) chances of any advancement in their professional lives!! 

Thanks BJ! Thanks for thinking ahead! Thanks for thinking outside the box! Thanks for thinking of someone other than yourself!!!

Now, I told you at the beginning that I was angry and frustrated but that I wasn't going to stay down.  And I'm not.  So, the conclusion of this whole fiasco is that I have to go back to square one and get a second bachelor's degree in order to pursue my dream of teaching Speech and Theater at the college level.  And I do intend to continue to pursue my dream!!!! Yes - that's right - I will have to go back to college and get a SECOND BACHELOR'S degree before I can get my Master's  degree.........

So, I've found an online all women's college that IS INDEED regionally accredited by the same organization that HARVARD UNIVERSITY is accredited by: the New England Association of Schools and Colleges. :*)  And I've double checked all of this info!!  it is THE AMERICAN WOMEN'S COLLEGE, and I'm in the process of applying - and guess what!! They won't take Bob Jones University either!!! Of course they won't - so I have to get my high school transcripts!! Bwhahaha!! Bob Jones University is/was so backwards - that I have to go all the way back to high school!!  If I hadn't already been through this once - I would be screaming - instead, when I spoke with admissions, and they told me I had to get my high school transcripts, I laughed outloud!  I'm 52 -- and I have to get my high school transcripts!!!

(I'll keep you posted. :*P)   And here's a link to an article that addresses the issue of BJ's final admission that they couldn't get regional accreditation for anyone interested in reading further...
http://bjuaccreditation.org/content/012712/bob-jones-university-finally-admits-national-accreditation-failed

Disappointing and Painful - but I'll try it again.....

Disappointed.

I'm pretty sure that's how the Acupuncturist felt when I left the other day.  That's how she looked, anyway - disappointed.  

Disappointed that I hadn't even seemed drowsy by the end of my first acupuncture session. A session designed to treat my insomnia.  Disappointed that I had, in fact, been giggling (by myself - I'll explain this in a bit) in the room during my first session. And disappointed that my central nervous system seemed just as "jazzed" after the session as it was before.  And her goal before the session started was to 'dial it down a bit'.

Now, I realize that it will take more than one session to deal with my insomnia.  For those who don't know me well - and I know anyone reading this probably knows me well - I'm a SEVERE - SEVERE - read that SEVERE - insomniac!! I take 20mg of Ambien every night and sleep 6 - 7 hours, and that's a long night.  (And not bad for the average American.)  Without it, I would sleep maybe 1 - maybe.....

So, as I've said, I know it will take more than one session.  However, as with other health professionals who have come into my life in the past few years, they don't realize the extreme level of insomnia that I deal with, and therefore, I think that they think that (did you get that), while I'm not lying to them, I'm probably exaggerating how severe my issue is.  Then, when they begin their treatments in my life in whatever their particular field of expertise is and it doesn't go well, or as planned or isn't as effective as they imagined it might have been or should have been, and they look stumped or frustrated or sad - that's when I feel sorry for them.  They thought it was going to help and it didn't.  Except for this one sleep specialists who was an ass - he was one of those people who 'believes his own press', you know the type.  The health care professional who says "don't you worry, I've helped hundreds of people with your issue, and you're no different. I'm going to help you too."  Well, thank you for making me feel not special......I'll just be walking away from you and never coming back!!  I never felt sorry for him!

But I digress.........In addition to the Acupuncturist being disappointed, the other major issue with my first acupuncture experience was that it hurt!! The needles hurt a lot going in, and then the ones that were in my left ear hurt the whole time they were in my left ear! The Acupuncturists put needles in the top of both of my feet, I think a few in my legs, a couple in my arms, several in my right and left ears, a few in the top of my head and one very low in my decolletage.  I held very still for that one to be sure she didn't puncture one of the girls!! :)  And then, when she took them out, they hurt again.  And they felt weird the whole time they were in. 

I just found out today from one of John's co-workers that according to "tradition", if it hurts a lot when the needles go in, it could mean that the issues the person has are very severe.  Well, that would make sense......not sure if that's very scientific or not.

Well, I laid for about 25 minutes, my legs sorta went to sleep.  I had to carefully move them around so I didn't disturb the needles. One of the needles in my arm did fall out.  The bed was nice and warm, however, it had a heating pad down the whole length! That was definitely a nice perk!! And there were two skylights in the room, so I could watch the rain fall.

Oh, and let me explain the laughing by myself.  There was a very loud clock in the room, and I began to hear the rhythm of it after a few minutes.  It was a slow rhythm, and my OCD brain began trying different phrases to see what "fit" the rhythm.....Of course, I had to try Big Bang Theory Sheldon's 'flash drive train chanty', "You forgot your flash drive," and discovered that it worked slow or fast.  That thought made me giggle.....just a little......

Then I thought about the absurdity of where I was, in this holistic type clinic (a converted house) with peaceful eastern type music and incense and quiet, peaceful mood, with warm beds and warmly painted walls - "You forgot your flash drive! You forgot your flash drive! You forgot your flash drive!"  And I giggled more - louder........Then I thought -- I wonder if John can hear me in here giggling all by myself, and wondering what the hell am I giggling about.  I'm supposed to be quiet, having an acupuncture appointment, possibly resting.......and that made me giggle even louder and harder!! I think I even.blustered, "Bwhahahahaha!!!"

Alright, Brenda, breathe in, breathe out.............there are other folks in other rooms........you need to quiet down............watch the rain........breathe in............breathe out...............little giggle....."you forgot your flash drive".................shhhhh..................giggle..............

I wonder how long I've been in here......I know there are needles in my head so I can't turn my head too much, I don't want to drive them into my brain........not sure the whole "dialing down my central nervous system is going if I'm thinking about driving acupuncture needles into my brain".......:*P

I'll try it again...................and I guess the Acupuncturist will too, she was willing to schedule another appointment.....................but she did sound.........disappointed.

Activities To Do On Ambien OTHER than Sleep

http://thoughtcatalog.com/ryan-oconnell/2011/04/5-activities-to-do-on-ambien-that-dont-involve-sleeping/

This blog was posted about 3 years ago…….

So, here is my personal story for each of the 5 'activities to do on ambien that don't involve sleeping' – in connection to the article posted above.  I probably won't be really graphic about #2 - just sayin'!  (Btw, when I am alone for any period of time, I take Ambien when I'm already in bed.  Sometimes that helps to avoid these scenarios..... sometimes not, as in my first story.)

(Eat/ Do Some Activity:  My first story involves activities #1 and #4 together: John was out of town for the week, and I had taken my 15mg of Ambien – the dosage at that time. (normal dose is 10mg but I've been taking it for almost 4 years every night - I have EXTREME insomnia or I'm a 'short sleeper' - search the internet for that one, it's really cool!)  I was in bed reading when the thot occurred to me: "I could have a small bowl of cereal while I'm reading since I'm just sitting here in bed."  Of course, I had to get OUT of bed in order to get the cereal - but Ambien NEVER edits itself!  The rest of the events are hazy but they go basically as follows: at some point I spilled some of the cereal and milk on the book I was reading and on my bed.  I cleaned it up using some clothing beside my bed, then (apparently) got up, stripped the sheets off my bed, got a towel to put over the wet spot, got fresh sheets, remade my bed (perfectly along with blankets) and propped my book open so the wet page could dry.  Now, the only reason that I know I did any of this is because, the next morning, I saw the pile of wet sheets at the foot of my bed, and felt, then looked, at the towel under the sheet that I put there to absorb the spilled milk!!  I have no actual physical memory of doing any of this - but I'm so anal, apparently even under the influence of Ambien that the bed was made as perfectly as I would have made it any other time.

I am always hungry when I take it - I always want 'just something to munch on'.  And if I don't take it and go immediately to bed, I will find some activity to do that I will most likely not remember and if I do remember it, it will be in a dream-like quality. 

Story involving activity #2: (Have Sex – or some other VERY AGGRESSIVE TENDENCY)  Okay, so you don't get a story just a couple of comments!  (Whatever, you pervert!) Ambien heightens or stimulates personality characteristics or aggressive tendencies making a lot of people more agressive in a variety of areas.  The article doesn't describe any sex that happens as good or bad, just insane.  Well, I'm not sure how anyone knows that since you NEVER - NEVER remember that it even happened the next morning!

Activity #3 story: (write fan mail) I normally type approximately 80-100 wpm.  I'm a much slower ambien-typist and I don't make a lot of sense.  I have actually confessed to some people when I’m typing them a message that I was typing 'under the influence'.  One night I was at home with my kids, had taken Ambien, and told them that I just wanted to send a quick email to a friend.  Well, at some point the kids realized I was typing about 2 words per minute - not exaggerating, and they attempted to get me to stop and resend it in the morning.  I was quite insistent that it had to go that night.  Within a few minutes I actually began falling over asleep.  Peter began to pull me up but instead of standing up, I merely bent over with my hands still on the keyboard in some sort of weird keyboard stretch.  They eventually got me up and in bed.  And then because the last couple of sentences in the email were almost unintelligible, they put a note at the bottom explaining to my friend that the email was sent 'under the influence.'

#5 Ambidialing:  Now, I have never specifically called anyone by phone while taking Ambien.  However, I have on many occasions been Ambien-overwhelmed to have deeply serious conversations with people.  I remember in particular - well, I had to ask Katie the next morning if it really happened, and it did - but in particular, I decided one night late that I needed to reassure Katie while I was 'under the influence' that she did "not need to worry if it seemed that the boys had more financial advantage in college because they got more money from the car wreck.  That she had lots of things going for her.  She was special too."  She said that I got very close to her face and spoke in a hushed voice which, of course, made me laugh so hard and everyone else too.

**One other little story that doesn’t necessarily fit into any of these categories:  Ambien does work better for me now that I have some additional medicine to help with my anxiety.  But a few years ago when it was only working 3-4 hours a night, I would normally stay up until 2 or 3 am, so that I could sleep until 6 or 7 am.  I didn’t want to take it at midnight and be awake at 3 or 4 am!! Seems reasonable, right??  Anyway, one of those nights, I had taken my dosage at 2:45 and thought, “I’ll just sit here at the computer for a couple minutes while the Ambien kicks in.” Well, of course, it worked quickly that night!  The next morning, I came out to the kitchen and there on the counter was a bowl of sour cream with one Dorito in it…..hmmm……I asked Katie about it, and she informed me that John told her to tell me to call him about it.  Apparently, John had gotten up at 3am to use the restroom and had heard me talking to “someone” in the kitchen and discovered me trying to introduce “guests” to a new kind of Nachos (just sour cream and Doritos Ranch flavored).  And when he tried to get me to come to bed, I insisted that these people had to try these Nachos – that they wanted to try these Nachos.  So, John had to eat them before I would go to bed.  But he left one chip in the bowl to prove that I had done this!!! :*P  Clever man………

I have had occasion to take Ambien over the course of the last 15 years on a limited level - it's just these last 4 that it's become steady.  I remember several years ago it was taken off the market for several months.  It was during this time that people began to discover on a wide-scale level the amnesiac side effects - and they were very concerned.  I remember thinking, 'Of course, you don't remember!  Of course, it causes amnesic events! It's a sleeping pill - you're not supposed to!!'  Thankfully, it came back on the market.  Because I'll tell you that I have never been able to take over the counter sleep meds.  They always made me feel drugged the next day, and now my body chemistry has changed, because they actually have the opposite effect and make me hyper!  They rev up my system so that I’m hyper and jittery.  THE ONLY thing that is able to put a cap on my brain and give me any measure of rest – to shut down my brain for a few short hours is Ambien!!!! Let’s hope it NEVER, EVER goes off the market again!!! Despite any amnesic events!

It IS 2014, right??

I recently opened a box of office supplies - a BRAND NEW box of office supplies - by the office supply company that you see in the picture above.  SMEAD, in case you're not able to identify said company.  And what to my wondering eyes should appear but this antiquated picture of a woman from the 1950's  fingering her way through a file drawer.

Seriously??? Look at her - take in the whole picture!!! Look at her top!! At the scarf!!! At that watch and the shape and color of her nails!!!!  At her hair!!!!!! At her lipstick!!!! This was a BRAND NEW box of file folders that I opened TODAY in an office that I'm working in through a temporary agency.

I haven't seen an advertisement this stereotyped since I did research for a play, The Solid Gold Cadillac, that I directed one of the first years I taught. I was flabbergasted! I still am!!  I guess when you sell something that people need without need for upgrades or improvements or changes, there's no need to change your advertising.  But really................this is ridiculous!!!

Geezo - pete!!! :*P