Good or Better?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQJaZO2nfGg

(Elphaba) I'm limited

Just look at me - I'm limited

And just look at you

You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda

So now it's up to you

For both of us - now it's up to you...

(Glinda) I've heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today

Because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You'll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend...

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

(Glinda) Because I knew you

(Both) I have been changed for good

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the thing I've done you blame me for

(Glinda) But then, I guess we know

There's blame to share

(Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda) Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

(Elphaba) Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a bird in the wood

(Both) Who can say if I've been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

(Glinda) And because I knew you...

(Elphaba) Because I knew you...

(Both) Because I knew you...

I have been changed for good.

This is one of my all-time favorite songs....not surprising, really.  The message is simple and yet profound and it comes from one of my favorite musicals, WICKED.

Just as random things happen every day all around us, so we meet people every where we go who change us just because they enter our lives.  And whether or not we're changed into a better person by that meeting isn't the point.  The point is that, irrevocably, we're changed forever.  However, just as the ladies sing together, 'I do believe I have been changed for the better', I believe that almost without exception, I have been changed for the better by those who have entered my life.  'Better' perhaps because they've encouraged me to rise above where I was and strive to be more.....or 'better' because I've seen their negative example and determined to not be what I've seen...

My doctor is one of those 'better because they've encouraged me' people...He is one of the few people who have earned the right to say just about anything to me, and I will listen.  Do I always do what he says?  By no means.  However, I will listen and consider his opinion.  So, it was with considered amazement that at my appointment yesterday, he said to me:  'You're going to have to be willing to be vigilant in this current journey.  You will doubt yourself and your choices.  But they are good.  Trust them.'

How did he know?  How did he know that that very morning I had wondered, 'How long will my current journey last?  Will this one area be like this forever?  Am I just being petty?  Is it not time to move on?'  Well, that certainly wasn't true in Moses' life....he was in the desert herding sheep for 40 years.  He had been in Egypt in a position of great significance and influence - where he should have stayed (many would say).  Well, he went to the desert for 40 years - to cool down, to learn and to gain perspective.

And so I will not rush my journey.  I will listen to my doctor and my friend who has changed my life not only 'for good but for the better'.  I've gained clear perspective - perspective that has changed my life and given me freedom I never knew.  Perspective too easily lost when I 'entertain' manipulative, guilt-attempting voices from my past.  And I will not give up the truth I've learned!

The truth?  That everyday, every moment, every person that we meet/interact with/or are influenced by changes (or 'rewrites') our life forever.....and if we're paying attention, it's usually for the better!

Travel Rambles (4th in a series:)

More random pictures and the comments they generate.....


Some reasons why I miss Minnesota:

Awesome people at the cheese factory!  Bonus - the mints were more sugar than mint - my favorite kind.  And lots of folks actually say this phrase...it's very positive and encouraging!

One of the 'safest' places to come back from a walk to....my aunt and uncle's home!  No pressure to be someone you're not, to act a certain way or do only 'approved' things.  Just lots of acceptance and love and crazy fun!  (Thanks Jan and Bob!) Oh, and it's also the location of the frozen basement where I spent a glorious week in late March....I'm pretty sure I was the cause of their final snow storm for the year!  
















Pretty pink toes after only my second ever pedicure which I had to go to Minnesota to get!  (I've gotten one at home now too!)  So awesome to be warming them by the bonfire in the back yard in September considering that today in Pasadena it was 84 freaking degrees on October 23rd!!!

First (!) ever visit to a winery....unfortunately 'what happens at the winery stays at the winery' is only true if I don't blog about it! :)  So much fun!  20 wines for $7....and a groovy t-shirt too!  Of course my favorite wine, their 125 Winter Celebration anniversary dessert wine was the most expensive on the menu: $45/ bottle!  Really delicious though!

Got to take a nap OUTSIDE on the recliner lawn chair - I even had to use a blanket because the breeze was chilly!  Haven't been able to do that at home yet.  Of course, part of that could be because I don't have a recliner lawn chair here at home.....:p








More awesome photos to follow......I took gobs of them on my trip!  I should eventually post them on fb too - before I forget why I took them!

The Good Guy of Good Eats!

I discovered his visit quite by 'facebook accident'!  Just doing my regular checking of facebook last night - and WahLah!  I find out Alton Brown is going to be at the Town & Country Barnes & Noble Thursday night!  I HAVE to go!


Hero worship - it's an interesting phenomenon.  Our heroes are just people, just like us.  They eat, they sleep, they breathe.....they do 'other' things......just like us.  And yet, there's something they've done that inspires us...something that sets them a little above the 'norm'.   That is why we admire them - or if you will - 'worship' them.


Alton Brown is more than just an ordinary chef - he's a teacher/ actor/ scientist chef!  He doesn't just demonstrate how to make one dish or a theme of dishes or several courses of a dinner.  He teaches the science behind the dish or the theme or the courses.  He teaches the how and the why, in a most creative, theatrical way putting his theater degree to good use along with his culinary prowess!  He's the theater character of the cooking world!


3 hours of wandering this BN location, visiting with other AB devotees, and I finally got to stand in the line to wait my turn at getting his autograph.  And a new set of AB devotees to meet and greet and.....delete :)....the wait time!  I attempted a quick musical composition, but found the anticipation too great for melodic focus.  So, I instead focused on my 'schpeal'.  Finally!  It was my turn next....I could feel my blood pressure rising and a familiar light-headedness due to overwhelming anticipation - I had prepared my speech.  I wanted to be sure that it would be memorable not only for me but for Alton.  I told one of the booksellers I thought I might hyper-ventilate.  She said they hadn't had anyone pass out yet.....hmmm......that would definitely make my visit memorable!  More light-headedness, shallow breathing, sense of hysterical wonder that I was really there...really going to meet AB!


I asked the bookseller running the front of the line to hold my books...I wanted to do a fun greeting to AB.  (nothing crazy, I promised....) and a bit of hysterical wonder sneaked out through my face.  AB turned to greet me, I dropped into the Mary Catherine Gallagher 'Superstar' pose, and hysterical wonder erupted!  (Meaning - if you don't know me personally - that I laughed!)  He stepped back a little, smiling, laughing....sort of and told me when I stepped up to the signing table (it was a tall one, he was standing the whole time), that I had frightened he and his assistant.


"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." (me, sheepishly)
"Well, I was worried that you wouldn't be able to get back up out of that pose." (AB, grinning sarcastically)
"Wow!  Why would you say that?  I turned 50 this year!"  (me, sarcastically returned)
"50?  You don't look it!"  (nice recovery AB)
"I'm hoping you'll remember me more than anyone else tonight!" (but not creepily...)
(with a grin at his assistant) "I think we already do!"


Qapla!  (Do you really not know the Klingon word for 'Success'?)  Even if I'm the 'crazy lady from Houston' - he'll still remember me!!  :)  

Travel Rambles (3rd in a series:)

I know I've said the following on facebook at some point, just wanted to say it here too:  "After several years of insomnia, it's incredibly irritating to actually be tired in the evening sometimes!"  I mean, is this what people do?  Get tired and just go to bed??  I'll never get anything accomplished if I go to bed before 2am!!  Peak efficiency hours for me have been 11pm - 2am.....what will I do if this 'tired trend' keeps up??


A few more 'rambles' from my September trip....


Despite the fact that she herself is not a radical, right-wing, hater fundamentalist, my aunt's car definitely has very legalistic seatbelts.  You have approximately 5 seconds after placing your ass in the passenger seat before you hear the loudest, most obnoxious 'dinging'!  You don't even get the chance to adjust in the seat before it begins!  And it continues unrelentingly until you click the seatbelt.  And actually, I tested this theory.....you don't have to completely connect the seatbelt - you only have to get the two parts close together.  What is that?  It only cares if you get it almost connected?  But doesn't care if you completely close it.  Of course, you'd have to hold the two parts close together for your entire car ride....otherwise, if you separate them again, it dings at you!  I'd like to point out, that if you were only holding them closely together, you'd probably be in even more danger than if you went 'beltless'!  So, in reality, those seatbelts actually put you in more danger........just sayin'...


I made HUGE personal discoveries on my trip too!  (Besides the seatbelts emphasizing my issues with authority:)  For example, my gps (hereafter referred to by her name, 'Soki') gives me incredible confidence.  It didn't matter where I was on my trip, where I wanted to be or what I was looking for - I could tell Soki what I needed, and she took me there.  I was driving around Ottumwa, IA looking for a city sign to take a picture of (since I missed the one coming into town) and realized that I could request a location in Ottumwa (i.e., city hall), and she would take me right there.....and in the shortest distance too!  And THEN, she would get me out of the city and back to the freeway.  I'm never lost with Soki!  Wow!  How profound is that.....even if I miss a turn or exit or decide to pick a different road than she recommends, she'll 'recalculate' and continue to give me direction!  Now, that's unconditional love!!!!

It's interesting to note that one of the biggest discoveries I made was my realization that gambling holds no appeal for me...after years and years and years of authority figures telling me that I'd go to hell for gambling, that I'd become a terrible person, that God would get me for wasting my money if I ever went to a casino, all I had to do was walk into one and realize that even though there were lots and lots of pretty colored stimuli, I had no desire to spend my money there.  Do you know that if you lose - and you do quite a bit of the time - there's no prize?!!?  There's no present, if you don't win the game...no consolation prize even!  Why would I do it?  I LOVE presents way too much to give my money to someone/ something that's not going to give me something in return most of the time.  Imagine that!!  If all those authorities had just given me credit for being able to figure it out on my own?


You know, in recent discussions with John, we've come to realize that that's the real issue with fundamentalist, over bearing, religious authorities - they don't think that the Holy Spirit (if you believe in the Trinity) is able to do his job alone, and so therefore, they have to be the police and keep me from screwing up.  Despite the fact, that for the most part, I have to learn it myself in order for it to stick....whatever 'it' is.

The Indianapolis airport central terminal ceiling art: my initial thought was that they were some kind of pod for the birthing of a new species.  Well, that's ridiculous!  A new species would choose Indianapolis to usher in their young??  Then I figured they were some kind of snow sled..with lots of hand holes around the edges?  But who would give up their sled in such prime sledding country.  I finally concluded that they were some sort art-deco urinals....opaque turquoise in color.  Not sure if that's a statement on Indianapolis or a suggestion that in the terminals of life, we all have a common urge!


I got to spend some amazing one-on-one time with my paternal Grandmother and one cousin while I was in Iowa.  Grandma was so healing for my heart....she loves me so much and demonstrates it so freely!  On the bulletin right by her back door, I saw this little quip:


"I am not here.  I am lost and went to look for myself.  If I should return before I get back, please ask me to sit and wait for myself."  Clever, eh!  I have given myself permission to sit and wait....:)

This trip was a great deal about becoming comfortable in my own skin...with who I am becoming.....with my own groovy choices!  However, I happened upon a groovy bathroom at a Starbucks (I 'think' in Rochester, MN) and just had to share:

The mirror as a whole was really cool, and upon further inspection, I realized that the light fixture looked like a friendlier version of the alien head from the movie 'ALIENS'.  Not that it would be possible for those aliens to look friendly...they are possibly the scariest aliens ever!  And yet, it's most interesting to note that I LOVE the ALIEN franchise - and can watch those movies any time of the day or night.  Those who know


me well, know that any movie involving creepy, incredibly hard to kill creatures who chase people everywhere and show up around every single corner, would be almost -- no, not almost -- would be totally impossible for me to watch!!  I think there's more of science fiction in these stories....It sounds good, right?

Grandma is an expert Scrabble player and has beaten me for most of my life.  In fact, in 1991 (picture above), I added a rule to the box lid where the Scrabble rules are written:  'Grandmothers may only help one time."  I must have lost to someone that Grandma was coaching.  However, this visit it was finally my turn to win - and I didn't show her any mercy and was obnoxiously 'ungracious' in my winning! :)  Even with trays of letters like those above!  I added the 'T', 'R', 'A' and 'E' to a letter already on the board (can't remember what letter) and scored like 50 or 60 points on one word.




One final 'ramble' in this post:  Why are these marshmallows not sold in Texas??  They're called 'Giant Roasters: Campfire Marshmallows'...where are they sold??  Minnesota!  However, during my stay, I did perfect the art of perfectly roasting them to gooey, yummy goodness - without burning any part!!  More personal discovery! :D

Stuff Fundies Like....but not any sane, normal person!

('Fundies' - nickname for extreme, right-wing fundamentalists)

This man is wrong on so many levels, I just have to start at the beginning of his arrogant idiocy and share my outrage!  I've included several of his most dangerous quotes...and, btw, this may be an older sermon but it's still on the website for his church and school.  Believe it or not, I used to go to churches where the pastor preached like this.  I was taught to think that this kind of 'shit' was actually found in the Bible!  I never realized these kind of 'preachers' were such damn perverts!

http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2011/09/ladies-dress-code/

*I think that you oughta’ dress the same way now that you’re gonna do in heaven.  (And that would be how?)

*Maybe God will write a book about the dresscode in heaven?

*Don’t dress  to point out any particular area of your body.  If you wear an anklet bracelet, people are going to look at your legs all the time..and I’ve seen some of your legs – some of you are better off without the bracelet.  (So, he's arrogant and incredibly rude - you'll see this lovely trait later in this message!)

*That’s why the slits in your skirts so men can play ‘peek-a-boo' draws attention.  It’s what I call an agitator.  We love the slits, keep ‘em coming girls. I can tell you how I compare the slit….now this is just me not the Lord.  (Like that matters!) I compare the slit to a man that’s walking around with his pants unzipped.  It looks like a part of the garment is not fastened.  Just remember that.  (Really?)

*You ought to be embarrassed to entice instead of excited to entice.  You ought to blush in the sight of a man.  That’s why we have women who wear so much make up – they can’t blush naturally anymore so they paint it on trying to make it look good.  (I love this assholes assumptions!)

*Sobriety – being able to control yourself, not letting the whores and fags in Hollywood, not the trends or styles control you.

*Would you like for me to have a pure heart?  I guess, you’re going to have to help me.  (I love that as a woman I'm responsible for his pure heart!)

*I don’t think a man ought to look at a woman to lust after her.  I think it’s wicked and wrong. Women have been made into merchandise in this world and I’m very, very sorry for you.  But because of that, why don’t you help some people not to sleep with you in their brain!  Why don’t you decide to keep someone from committing adultery with you in their heart?  (Oh, really, that's my responsibility??)

*I’m here speaking as a man trying to tell you how it is with men.  You don’t want to be treated like merchandise, just be sure you don’t put things in the display window.  In other words, gals, get rid of the mini-skirts!  Somebody’s going to sleep with you!  Get rid of the pants! Get rid of the tight fitting pants!  Get rid of all the pants!  Get rid of your shorts!  Get rid of some of those form-fitting dresses! (This part is so ridiculous, I can't even form words!)

(This one sort of came right out of the blue....)

*When you wear hose with a design in them, men suddenly becomes a design engineer.  You wear shirts and tops that have words printed across the bustline – most men immediately think, 'I wish that was in brail'.  (Do you, men?  do you immediately think that every time?)

*Tight sweaters, the sleeveless tops, the more flesh the better for the man, 'Let me see, come on.'

*And then when you choose not to wear ALL your garments, that’s as wicked as the devil.  (So, would that be bra-less or panty-less?  Which makes a woman more wicked?)

*I think a man that rapes a woman ought to be shot at sundown, and then shot again the next day and then on national television, but I’m gonna tell you something ladies, you oughtta dress in such a way that he’s not looking at you and saying, 'That could be a good target, looks like she wants it anyway.'  (Yep! Unbelievable as it seems - he actually said that!)

*Take the sign out of the front yard!  Your tight clothes.  All the clinging materials, the halter tops, the tube tops, the low necklines.  Like I said, men say, 'Bring it on, we want it!' 

*You know, I inspect my wife’s clothes.  She wears nothing that I don’t approve of.  You say, tyrant, call it what you will but she doesn’t feel that way.  I’ve heard my wife say, honey I don’t want to wear anything that would ever embarrass you, ever!

*You won't let your husband do that.  And you’re probably the short-haired, you’re probably the loud-mouth.  Then there’s those hypocrites in here that wear their dresses down to here – like the mudflaps on a truck.  You’re busy looking clean on the outside but reading those Harlequin romances that’s got you filthy and dressing like a whore on the inside.  (I bet this guy has porn hidden in his office at his church!)

*And you charismatic cuties that dress like Tammy Faye Baker…. (Just a random slam thrown in for good measure, I guess!)

*I don’t like gauchos, and my wife will never wear them.  Why, you ask? Because I have a personal opinion about them.  Why do you say that, you ask?  Because of the way you sit when you’ve got them on.  Of the way you act when you’ve got them on.  The minute ladies get those on they begin acting like a man, running like a man, walking like a man, sitting like a man, thinking like a man.  (Because when was the last time a man wore gauchos?)

*And you ought to be careful about the way you dress up your little girls.  You dress your little girl up to be a whore.  

She’s supposed to cover up her thighs too. (And this is how little girls get molested and raped....by disgusting, vile cowards like him who use religion and God to cover up their lust!)

(And as if everything else he had already said weren't enough, here's a random blanket statement to cover anything he missed.....)

*I’ve got to throw this in here.  There’s some things that are sinful and then some things that are exceedingly sinful…..fat ladies don’t wear spandex!  Prov. 7:10 describes the ‘attire of a harlot’  If you’re not one, don’t dress like one.

Travel Rambles (2nd in a series)

My subtitle for this entry comes from my cousin, Dawn: 
"Brenda's Delicious Mistake'


How fortuitous that a mistake can turn out to be wonderful or creative or....delicious!  It was my cousin who pointed out this fact.  On my second trip to Iowa recently, my cousin and I had the opportunity to spend some 'just us' time with Grandma.  We talked and played games (I rediscovered Yahtzee) and baked and cleaned and cooked for her - it was wonderful!  Dawn was a mad cleaning machine - cleaning anything and everything in sight....and a few things that I would have totally overlooked!


I was Betty Crocker and Julia Child all rolled up into one!  Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite as wonderful as them....but I sure had a great time baking for Grandma.  I made some raisin bars which because of the light, thin quality of the final batter (I followed the recipe exactly) ended up being more cake-like.  Then, I made Grandma my pumpkin bread - the coolest part?  I made a mini loaf of it in one of the 'original' mini loafs pans that Grandma used to let us grandkids use - we got to bake when she baked!  It was awesome....

The final thing I baked for Grandma that day was 'supposed' to be Oatmeal Toll House Cookies.  'Supposed to be but not' because as I was attempting to follow the recipe in Grandma's book, my eyes 'drifted' to the recipe right above it.....I realized this about halfway through the process.  Great!  Well, I didn't want to waste the ingredients, so I decided to muddle through and see what happened....


And to all of our surprises - they turned out really......delicious!  Despite possibly being my great break into the money making world the likes of Mrs. Fields, I am going to share my brilliant 'mistake' instead of keeping it a secret.  So, here's the recipe Grandma asked me to bake:


Oatmeal Toll House Cookies
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups chocolate chips
1 tsp salt
1/3 cup hot water
1 tsp soda
2 cups oatmeal/nuts
1 1/2 cups flour
Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes


And the recipe above that my eyes drifted onto:


Oatmeal Drop Cookies
1 cup butter
2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
1 cup oatmeal
1 cup raisins  (Grandma loves recipes with raisins - not sure why)
3 cups flour
1/2 tsp soda
2 tsp baking powder
Bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.


And my own delicious version of them both:)


'Oatmeal Drop Toll House Cookies'
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup white sugar
1/2 cup milk
2 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp cloves
2 cups oatmeal (had to add a little more to compensate for the I put in instead of hot water)
4 cups flour
1/2 tsp soda
2 tsp baking powder
Cream together the butter and sugars, then just add all the rest!  Bake at 375 degrees for 12 minutes.


You should make them!  They're a most delicious way to 'screw up'!!